BF2S Forums Poems for the modern BattleField

You stole my damn chopper
You are a bunny hopper
You love to stats pad
Yet this all makes me glad

For im driving twards you in a hummer
And for you its a bummer
cause i quickly hop out
so the TK doesnt count

You get in a tank
to avoid all my pranks
But when my full jeep hits you head on
you are suddenly gone

You ruin our games
Your antics are lame
But your score i have trashed
and got the last laugh

yeah i usually just noob toob or dow bunny hoppers.

rides your camel
to the battle
with you AK and your Jihad
the plan's been flawed
for the marines are here
go on spill your tears
then flee to the mountains
and have a few beers

Ok, this first appeared here, before I realised this thread existed (nice idea)
_________________________________________________________________________

An ode to BF2 whingers




This post contains many words of a very naughty nature.
If you are too young / sensitive to read them please don't read the post.



This post contains meaning of an ironic nature.
If you are too dumb to understand irony please don't read the post.



This post contains dubious poetry.
If you are sensitive to the missuse of the English language please don't read the post.


...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...


All day a'school, dull as can be,
This learnin' lark is not for me.

Why'd I have to learn this crap,
Spellin', maths an' shit like that?

Not like you need it IRL,
PC's can add an' Word can spell.

An' I don' want a normal job,
The 9't'5, the daily slog.

My career will be so neat,
A cool pro-gamer, uber-133t.

I'll sit at home, play games all day,
Pwn all the nubs and call them gay.

I'll lol at those without the skilz,
Have crazy stats and monster kills.

I'll work on dice's latest hit,
get paid to tell 'em why it's shit.

They should be lis'nin right now too,
I know what's wrong with BF2.

For 1, noob-toobers fuck the game,
Their instant kills are really lame.

'Click-bang', before I know they're there;
Those deaths don't count 'cos they ain't fair.

Those lamers, they should use a knife,
Give me a chance to save my life.

Snipers too, they're all so weak
'Join the fight, you little sneak'

Don't use claymores; they're well unsafe.
Detonate, when I run and strafe.

The worst are rapers of every type.
'Don't just sit there, learn to fight!'

You took our bases, except our main,
Cos it's an uncap. What a shame.

Besieged, surrounded, caught like rats,
And now you shoot us, just for stats.

Please let us out to cap a flag,
So what it's your's? Ya campin' fag.

Why should you have all the fun?
Jus' b'cos my team are dum.

They can't attack let'lone defend,
Don't shoot me please, I'll be yer friend.

We're spawning here to shoot at you.
but it's our main, you CAN'T shoot too.

No fair, you git, you stole our jet.
I didn't see ya, used cheats I bet.

'Hey admin, f'kin ban this 'tard.
His rapin' ways make this game hard!'

I'm swapping teams. I've had enough.
Minus 2, but I don' give a stuff

Autobalance? No! I'm fucking stuck!
Admin, why'd ya make this server suck?

Round ends, just great, look at my stats!
You've fucked the lot you camping twats!

My KDR, my SPM
They look like I'm a noob again.

This server needs some queensbury rules
To protect me from these cheating fools

Ok, I'm gonna win this time,
But first 'say all' to bitch and whine.

Perhaps I'll do my homework, NOT!
I'll play till bedtime, I'm no swat

A gamers life's awaiting me.
I'll be pro. Just wait & see.

Here I play
With a new PC system
Going for an armor ribbon
Yes, yes on another mission
My MS mouse has been swapped with a razer
and ratpadz mouse pad to twich that crosshair a lil quicker

Karkand loads, the client verifies
My RAID 0 raptor goodness means loading times just fly
So Im the first rook in a map, pop my wrench out and grab a tank
Invite peeps to my sqaud and light up a bit of stank.

In the groove feeling uberleet
tank treads rumbling down my karkand streets
my gunner is killing those c4 chucks
Im getting some assists
When the USMC armor squad tries a new tactic with a twist

They are hemmed at the front, and cant perpatrate to cap a flag.
A HHMV comes loaded with C-4
A suicide bomber who wants to pad up a score
But I escaped it somehow, and they feel really dissed
the 7800 gtx dont lag a frame I just cant miss
And a newb screams out "get that tank hes a fag"


Now Im in the burbs a good spot Im not moving
waiting for a possible arty strike, cause USMC is terribly loosing
Sat scan shows the armor on creep, I move in for the advantage
A vondka swipes me and im punished for damage
My score gets wipes and the fun is gone
I wasnt even moving when the damage is done.

A shitty now, how did I just die,
the fortune on hardware was supposed to keep me alive
2 gig of ram was supposed to stop all the lag
and I just got knifed with a flash bang grenade

I thought I was a contender from Monterey to Bristol
believe me its true I snipe best with a pistol
Use the UAV and hide until they really close to me
Bunny hop and dolphin divers, this pump action  puts holes up in yer cheese

Please listen up all the vets and the kids
This is Phouseplus and this is how I thizz
Presentin Arms with a shotty or a wrench
I put more wrinkles in yer master plans
than the face of Judy Dench

And I know I getting to you
a single engi with his shotty
when a commander compliments
by dropping all that arty



WESTSIDE

Hey sniper Dont Fuck with art!

A sonnet in shakespearian form, i think:


One day I went upon my computer
to play a little first person shooter
I know It will be some Battlefield
With a sniper I spawn without a shield
And Swollow the shells of an Abrahms tank
Of course the driver  must be of low rank
At my next spawn I become Special Ops
But this time on my back a gernade pops
Critically wounded by Armor and tubes
Dont you hate when you are pwned by the noobs?

You know you play to many video games when...

one in german

der kleine Pionier

fährst du im Panzer gen Karkand
dann achte sehr auf Minen
es ist ein unbekanntes Land
und vor dem Fluß sind Schienen

und auf den Schienen liegen meist
gar friedlich gut versteckt
die kleinen Bieser, Todesgeist,
der dich beim Fahren weckt

gelegt von einem Pionier
er will den Sprengstoff Orden
und in dem Jeep da sitzen Vier
8 Punkte - so geht Morden

fährst Du im APC gen Platz
dann achte auf den Boden
den tust Du`s nicht
dann ist bald Schicht
und er sprengt Dir den Hoden

Daysniper wrote:

A claymore is a sniper’s best friend,
It stays with him until the end,
It warns him when someone is near,
And that is why he holds it dear.

A claymore is a sniper’s best friend,
They’re easy to hide, and easy to tend,
They always blow in the direction they face,
That is why they’ll always have their place.

A claymore is a sniper’s best friend,
Into the grass they easily blend,
My claymore is what keeps me alive,
I can’t say so much for the peeps who step on the ones I hide.

Now you have seen why my claymore is dear,
All of you knifers really should fear,
My claymore protects me while I continue to shoot,
So don’t run behind me and try to hoot,

If you do, you’ll be blown in the air,
This is the end of my poem, please walk with care.

... its so ... beautiful ... can i have a tissue... pfffrrr

Krappyappy wrote:

in the hangar the bomber gleams
apparition from my dreams
equipped with guns and laser beams
to rain death on the other team

i make a dash towards my prize
and could hardly believe my eyes
for once i'm the first to arrive
soon i'll be hurtling through the sky

into the cockpit i happily hop
but my takeoff is rudely stopped
on the runway sits a spec ops
move out of my way he will not

from his mouth profanities spew
"how dare you fly when jets are few?
you plane whore bitch ass russian jew!
get out of my plane you fucking noob!"

i shut his comments from my ears
despite all the jests and jeers
yet he won't quit when i'm so near
so down he lays by my landing gears

as i take off the moron dies
i think "that's what you get you stupid guy"
but just as i roar off into the sky
"you've been banned for TK, goodbye!"

in BF2 that's just another day
of fourteen year olds being gay
fifty for the game i shouldn't have paid
better to find a whore and get laid

the end.

Nice, I bet you get lucky with girls if you talk like you type +1 from me m8

/a fellow aviator of the dark battlefield

Coolbeano wrote:

DBTNT (kudos to anyone who can guess the acronym)

Don't Dlame The N00b Tube?