a)You've actually purchased, and actually finished reading, a book by any of the following: Franken, Coulter, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Clinton(Hillary), or any other zealot deserving of a fact check. Double points if it's been praised by Air America or The National Review.
b)You diligently followed through with the Department of Homeland Security's request that citizens seal their home's windows with duck tape. Double points if you live in an area with no logistical value, or is populated mostly by cows, thereby making terrorist attack about as probable as your farm's animals uniting, chasing you off your land and forming a socialist commune.
c)You regularly use the term "moore-on", "grinch", "flip-flopper", or "hick" when you're arguing politics with someone. Double points if you've coined your own terms.
d)You own a "support the troops" bumper sticker. Double points if it's on an SUV.
e)You own T-shirts proclaiming your political allegiance. Double points if your shirt slanders the opposition in the process of identifying your personal politics.
f)You are as sure that CNN is fair as you are when it came your Bush-planned-9/11 conspiracy theory.
g)You are as sure that Fox is fair as you are when it came your Saddam-rapes-American-tourist-babies conspiracy theory.
h)You actually believe that a Democratic president would make the United States more vunerable to terrorist attack. Double points if you'd be the one committing the terrorist attack on the tyrannically cuddly democratic government.
i)You believed your life counselor when he said that welfare scams are a viable form of taking vengeance on the Bush adminstration, or in his vernacular, "the man". Double points if your life counselor is a sodomist.
j)You feel stronger alliegances to your political party then to your friends. Double points if you have no friends because "no one is as hardcore".
k)You've attacked, or defended, someone's patriotism, whether your own or a mainstream political figure. Double points if the person you defended has been convicted or war crimes or is a communist spy.
l)You are a registered libertarian.
m)You call yourself a moderate, because you're too impotent to take a stance on any issue of importance.
n)You insist that your tenure as a waterboy in the Grenada invasion makes it unpatriotic for someone to disagree with you on political matters.
o)You are attracted to political debates on internet bulletin boards as if they were expired twinkies thrown down into your cavernous and so-much-mold-it-feels-like-it's-breathing basement lair.
p)You keep a running list of media sources, each one denoted either "lies" or "truth".
q)You feel that the media as a whole is assisting the furthering of Bush's agenda, or that the media as a whole is only telling the negative stories to further damage public support of the war.
r)You've masturbated to Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin. Double points if you spanked it to a video of Coulter's ferocious, but not quite factually accurate, invective.
s)You think Hillary Clinton is "kinda cute".
t)You've painted murals, written blog articles, or argued minutae of politician's speeches because you think you may have finally uncovered hidden, alterior motives of the oppositions supporters.
u)You think that, as a christian, you are discriminated against by American society. Your belief is assured by the millions of white American christians lobbying their legions of white christian politicians at all times.
v) You feel the liberals obstruct law enforcement with their irritating constant reminders about this stupid piece of yellowed paper called the "constitution".
w)You don't understand how abortion can be seen as murder.
s)You threatened to move to Canada if Bush won in 2004.
y)You insist that Kerry lost the 2004 election only because he was "too smart" for the country.
z)You play BF2.
b)You diligently followed through with the Department of Homeland Security's request that citizens seal their home's windows with duck tape. Double points if you live in an area with no logistical value, or is populated mostly by cows, thereby making terrorist attack about as probable as your farm's animals uniting, chasing you off your land and forming a socialist commune.
c)You regularly use the term "moore-on", "grinch", "flip-flopper", or "hick" when you're arguing politics with someone. Double points if you've coined your own terms.
d)You own a "support the troops" bumper sticker. Double points if it's on an SUV.
e)You own T-shirts proclaiming your political allegiance. Double points if your shirt slanders the opposition in the process of identifying your personal politics.
f)You are as sure that CNN is fair as you are when it came your Bush-planned-9/11 conspiracy theory.
g)You are as sure that Fox is fair as you are when it came your Saddam-rapes-American-tourist-babies conspiracy theory.
h)You actually believe that a Democratic president would make the United States more vunerable to terrorist attack. Double points if you'd be the one committing the terrorist attack on the tyrannically cuddly democratic government.
i)You believed your life counselor when he said that welfare scams are a viable form of taking vengeance on the Bush adminstration, or in his vernacular, "the man". Double points if your life counselor is a sodomist.
j)You feel stronger alliegances to your political party then to your friends. Double points if you have no friends because "no one is as hardcore".
k)You've attacked, or defended, someone's patriotism, whether your own or a mainstream political figure. Double points if the person you defended has been convicted or war crimes or is a communist spy.
l)You are a registered libertarian.
m)You call yourself a moderate, because you're too impotent to take a stance on any issue of importance.
n)You insist that your tenure as a waterboy in the Grenada invasion makes it unpatriotic for someone to disagree with you on political matters.
o)You are attracted to political debates on internet bulletin boards as if they were expired twinkies thrown down into your cavernous and so-much-mold-it-feels-like-it's-breathing basement lair.
p)You keep a running list of media sources, each one denoted either "lies" or "truth".
q)You feel that the media as a whole is assisting the furthering of Bush's agenda, or that the media as a whole is only telling the negative stories to further damage public support of the war.
r)You've masturbated to Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin. Double points if you spanked it to a video of Coulter's ferocious, but not quite factually accurate, invective.
s)You think Hillary Clinton is "kinda cute".
t)You've painted murals, written blog articles, or argued minutae of politician's speeches because you think you may have finally uncovered hidden, alterior motives of the oppositions supporters.
u)You think that, as a christian, you are discriminated against by American society. Your belief is assured by the millions of white American christians lobbying their legions of white christian politicians at all times.
v) You feel the liberals obstruct law enforcement with their irritating constant reminders about this stupid piece of yellowed paper called the "constitution".
w)You don't understand how abortion can be seen as murder.
s)You threatened to move to Canada if Bush won in 2004.
y)You insist that Kerry lost the 2004 election only because he was "too smart" for the country.
z)You play BF2.
