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King_County_Downy
shitfaced
+2,791|5212|Seattle

Alright, there's this chick cruising along in her Beamer (A Beamer is a BMW) and sees a horse sinking in quicksand. So she says "poor horse" and drives over to it. The horse says "lady, you gotta help get me outta here" so the lady says "hold on, let me get my Beamer". So the lady backs up the Beamer to the horse, ties a rope around the bumper, and pulls the horse out.

The next day, the horse sees the lady that saved him, stuck in quicksand. So he runs over to the lady and she says "Horse, you gotta help get me outta here! Go get my Beamer and pull me out!" The horse says "lady, I'm a horse, I got a three foot cock". And with that, the lady grabs the horse's cock and he pulls her out.

Anyone know the moral to the story?

Answer: You don't need a Beamer to pick up on chicks if you're hung like a horse.

Last edited by King_County_Downy (2006-06-14 14:48:51)

Sober enough to know what I'm doing, drunk enough to really enjoy doing it
dc_involved
Member
+13|5145
Did you hear about the gynaecologist who decorated his apartment through the letterbox?
Marconius
One-eyed Wonder Mod
+368|5308|San Francisco
Any of you heard the joke about the flying sandwich?

Neither have I...

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.
tvmissleman
The Cereal Killer
+201|5273| United States of America
lolz +1 for u
dc_involved
Member
+13|5145
Your mommas so fat that when I fuck her I throw a bag of flour in between her legs and aim for the wet patch!
Mason4Assassin444
retired
+552|5277|USA
Two condoms walking down the sidewalk....

They walk by a gay bar....

One condom says to the other- "You want to get shitfaced?"
Marconius
One-eyed Wonder Mod
+368|5308|San Francisco
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in strawberry patches!

Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?  Works pretty well, doesn't it?

*I know way too many bad jokes...you can ask any of the admins*
senor_fulff
Member
+25|5374|Yorkshire, UK.
Your momma is so fat that when she sits around the house she REALLY sits around the house.
dc_involved
Member
+13|5145
A guys doing a crossword at work and only needs one answer to complete it. One of his mates asks what the clue is.

"Overloaded Postman" he replies,
"How many letters?" his mate asks,
"Thousands"
Ajax_the_Great1
Dropped on request
+206|5261

King_County_Downy wrote:

Alright, there's this chick cruising along in her Beamer (A Beamer is a BMW) and sees a horse sinking in quicksand. So she says "poor horse" and drives over to it. The horse says "lady, you gotta help get me outta here" so the lady says "hold on, let me get my Beamer". So the lady backs up the Beamer to the horse, ties a rope around the bumper, and pulls the horse out.

The next day, the horse sees the lady that saved him, stuck in quicksand. So he runs over to the lady and she says "Horse, you gotta help get me outta here! Go get my Beamer and pull me out!" The horse says "lady, I'm a horse, I got a three foot cock". And with that, the lady grabs the horse's cock and he pulls her out.

Anyone know the moral to the story?

Answer: You don't need a Beamer to pick up on chicks if you're hung like a horse.
WTH man!? That's a good good joke! Meh oh well, that ones awesome.
King_County_Downy
shitfaced
+2,791|5212|Seattle

I got another.

This cat is sitting on a log on the side of a stream and sees a piece of sausage float by. The cat's kinda hungry so he takes a swing at it and misses. His paw got all wet. ahhhh. Few minutes later, another piece comes floating by so the cat says, alright, this one's bigger anyways, I'll try and get it. And he misses. And gets his whole arm wet. This really pissed him off cuz cats hate water. So he gets back on his log, all pissed off and waits. Sure enough, 3 minutes later a really big piece comes floating by so he says to himself, "this is it, I'm totally gettin' this one". No sooner than he'd said it, he slips off the log and falls face first into the water.


Moral anyone?



Here's the answer:

The bigger the sausage, the wetter the pussy.

Last edited by King_County_Downy (2006-06-14 15:11:41)

Sober enough to know what I'm doing, drunk enough to really enjoy doing it
KEN-JENNINGS
I am all that is MOD!
+2,857|5246|949

What did the alien vampire say to the earthling?

Take me to your bleeder.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella

Fo' Drizzle.
liquidat0r
wtf.
+2,223|5242|UK
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

lol
Alpha.350
Member
+19|5190

137twozerosniper wrote:

CameronPoe wrote:

Here's a good BAD joke:

Little Amy was running around the house of an evening when she burst into her parents room. Her mother had just got out of the shower and was drying herself. She was getting ready to go out to Bingo that night.

Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, what are those two things there!?'
Mother: 'Oh dear, they're my breasts, dear!'
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, when do I get breasts? When do I get breasts?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy: 'And Mummy, what's that furry stuff down there?'
Feeling awkward, Mother: 'That's my pubic hair, dear!'
Amy: 'When do I get hair down there Mummy?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'

Amy, her inquisitiveness sated, runs off down the hall and bursts into the bathroom. SHe is confronted with something she doesn't quite understand - her father is over the toilet, masturbating.

Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, what is that big purple snake thing there Daddy?'
Shocked Daddy: 'Er, that's my dick, dear!'
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, when do I get one of those, Daddy?'
Daddy: 'As soon as your mum goes to bingo!!!!!!'


Depraved.
thats fucking sick
Beurk.
Marconius
One-eyed Wonder Mod
+368|5308|San Francisco
Hey!  Ask me if I have a banana in my ear.

What?

Ask me if I have a banana in my ear!!

Oh alright...do you have a banana in your ear?

Sorry, I can't hear you.  There's a banana in my ear.

note: If you were ever a fan of The Critic, you can add "...I'm trying to lure out the monkey." after you say the punchline.
Sin-nisterMinister
You have been blessed... with my rifle!
+43|5211|Bellmawr, NJ, US
These are great.  +1 for most of you.  There goes my points.
Big McLargehuge
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
+259|5217|Philadelphia, PA
Two hot dogs are being boiled. One hot dog turns to the other and says " oh my god, we're being boiled! " The other hot dog turn to the first hot dog and says " HOLY CRAP A TALKING HOT DOG! "
Marconius
One-eyed Wonder Mod
+368|5308|San Francisco
Hey Big, check the first page, post #21.  Too many renditions of that joke.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shift?  A Flate Miner (minor)

What do you get when you drop a piano on a military base?  A Flat Major
ShadowFoX
I Hate Claymores
+109|5145
Your momma so fat everytime I see her, there's an eclipse.
Tripp
I wanna be on you
+116|5142|So Cal
yo momma so fat...

her belt size is 'equator'
Dauntless
Member
+2,230|5357|London

A guy walks into a bar, holding a big load of dog shit.

He says, hey guys!! guys!! Look what I almost stepped into!
https://imgur.com/kXTNQ8D.png
Ty
Mass Media Casualty
+2,398|5389|Noizyland

We've got a best jokes thread so why not a worst one?

- What's green, has six legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree onto you?
- A Billiard Table.

- Why did the plane crash?
- Because the pilot was a Tomato.

- What's brown and sticky?
- A Stick.

I opt for the American spelling here:
Your Momma's so hairy they filmed 'gorillas in the mist' in her shower.

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas;
How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
4_Phucsache
Property of BF2s©
+112|5197|Brisbane Australia

Marconius wrote:

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in strawberry patches!

Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?  Works pretty well, doesn't it?

*I know way too many bad jokes...you can ask any of the admins*
Why do elephants paint their balls red??

To hide in apple tree's.






How did tarzan die???


Pickin bloody apples
diglow~Flow
Member
+32|5241|British Columbia, Canada
okay

3 Vampires walk into a bar 1st one get's a bloody mary the 2nd one gets the samething the 3rd one says could i have some hot water? He pulls Tampon and says i'm making tea.
Vinny
Member
+7|5389| The Dirtty Dirtty
Yo mamma's so fat that she uses BBQ sauce to masturbate to a Cook Book!!!!

Yo mamma's so fat that she uses a King size Matress as a Tampoon!!!

Yeah i no they suck....lol

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