Announcement

Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/nf43FxS
Discuss.
Apocalypse416
The Sexiest Apocalypse
+55|5465
1. If you spot an enemy before he sees you, chances are you will die.

2. The probability of killing someone is inversely proportional to how much you want to kill him.

3. For every good thing done, something bad happens.

4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.

5.You have a better chance of throwing a handfull of sniper rifle bullets and killing the enemy, than shooting them at him .

6.For every one enemy you kill with mines, you will kill 2 friendlies and they will both punish the TK .

7.Idiots have a unique pheromone receptor which can sense a friendly arty strike. Once initiated they run to the center of the strike like moths to a flame, thrust their noses in the air and put there finger on the PgDn button ready for the climax!

8.Thou shalt always respawn into an arty strike or a massive unfriendly assault and die before you can do anything.

9.A dune buggy slowly slipping down a gentle slope is the most brutal and deadly thing in the game if you're standing in its path.

10.When fleeing from an enemy, you will be shot to death, inches away from your cover.

11.when a gunner in a helo, chances are u got the worst pilot u can think of

12.When you have no money chances are your joystick will go funny.

13.If someone with an ak101 happens to glance at you, you will instantly die of fear.

14.No matter what weapon you carry, it will take over half a magazine to attempt to kill the guy that take you out with a three round burst or less.

15.Holding right mouse button when throwing a grenade changes throw length from feet to inches.

16.Even with the dexterity to balance the blade of his knife on his finger, a soldier will constantly miss when lunging to stab a stationary enemy.

17.Somehow, a man can take a 50.cal sniper round to the chest WITHOUT DYING.

18.Your pistol is a much better sniper rifle than your .50cal rifle

19.A crescent wrench can fix anything

20.You can raise a flag in a tank.

21.Seconds before you get your hard-earned Flag-Capture Point, an Enemy will pop up and kill you, giving the Capture Point to your Team-Mate .

22.After shooting an enemy Tank to low Health with your APC, your Gun will overheat and a Team-Mate will grab the kill, leaving you with not even a Kill-Assist.

23.You will never be able to swim away fast enough from an accidently drowned Jeep.

24.Claymores only kill foolish teammates.

25.If you want an enemy to abandon an armoured vehicle, run at it from the rear and let them see you doing it, they'll jump out.

26.No matter what, dephibulators cure all

27.the pinnacle of aviation technology cannot help a bomb hit its target

28.all vehicles have electrical armour plating, as when u touch it, ur dead

29.The more you press the 9 key to deploy a chute, the less likley the chute will deploy

30.You spawn right next to the enemy tank.

31.If you want to be a sniper you should choose Anti-Tank Class.

32.Just as you detonate the C4 on the UAV trailer, two to three teammates will drive up in a jeep right next to the detonation site.

33.No matter how much you shoot a guy parachuting down, he will never take any damage. And, when he gets down you are out of ammo and he kills you.

34.You are killed after a 10 minute run to an enemy flag, right before you reach it.

35.Water is extremly flamable and will cause vehicles to explode.

36.If your ina group and run into a single enemy, you WILL die first.

37.Confucious say: When commander drop supply crate from sky, look up or you will endure headache until next spawn

38.Confucious say: Man with handful of wheat will hit enemy more than with M229 SAW.

39.Spawning is more like a race to the heli.

40.A tank thats motionless while capturing a flag will wait until you run up behind it to plant C4 before the drivers cat steps on the S key and kills you.

41.Just after you found a great Spot to snipe from, while taking careful Aim at a Group of Enemies - you will be knifed from behind.

42.After taking a few well-aimed Shots at an Enemy, he will spin around and kill you with a single round from his MP5.

43.You must be the fattest person in the army as you cannot fit through a 3 foot wide gap between the bamboo

44.After throwing a pack of C4 ontop of a smoking tank, and pulling out detonator, the remaining C4 (in your pocket) will magically explode...every time.

45.If you are capping a flag alone in a tank the one enemy that manages to spawn in time will be a spec op...

46.If you are capping a flag and once it goes neutral you hear arty guns firing in the distance, run like #@$%!!!

47.If you need tank support, drop a mine on the road and a friendly tank will show up in no time...

48.If you respawn as an anti-tank the tank will have either disapeared or magiclly spawned many enemys' who know exactly where you respawned

49.When in need of medical aide call for a supply drop, the crate will be there in no time to crush you to death, thus ending your need for medical aide

50. Asking a Commander for ammo means he will send Artillery with the assumption you catch them and throw them at the enemy.
SAS-Lynx
Scottish Moderator!!!
+13|5423|Scotland!!!
  i like it
=ST6=SewerMaster
AK Whore
+152|5443|Barrington, RI
LOL. So true.
88mm
Member
+8|5453
LOL!! Great!

and....

51. In a game in progress u will always die within the first 5 seconds u spawn the first 5 times.



https://bf2s.com/player/45820894/sig.png
https://bf2s.com/player/45820894/sig5.png
https://bf2s.com/player/45820894/sig3.png
https://bf2s.com/player/45820894/awards.jpg
ENTR0PYMAN
Member
+3|5434|The Void

Thanks, man those are super funny.
Sgt.Gh0st
Pump-Action Pimp
+16|5429|The Hague, Holland
Hahaha so funny
Gilgalad
Renaissance Soldier
+2|5424|Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA
Hehe, so many of those are just too true. Although I'm often the lucky soloist bastard who kills your whole squad, not the other way around. ;P

No mention of the pain inflicted by planes and helos though? Or how about this one?

52. On weekends when there is an entire team who can't survive more than a minute in armor, and when they have a single spawn point left to defend, they will all stay at least 100 meters away from the flag without making real efforts to capture additional flags.
Sgt.Gh0st
Pump-Action Pimp
+16|5429|The Hague, Holland
53. Your girlfriend will always bother you when your in a killing streek.
Aruba-Prime
[Expert Smoke Grenade]
+44|5421|Hamburg, Germany
54.A Full server is always displayed as 48/64 or 55/64 or .....
SokViChet
Member
+1|5435

Sgt.Gh0st wrote:

53. Your girlfriend will always bother you when your in a killing streek.
Whoa! read my mind...  My wife has an unbelievable sense of the worst time to nag me about the broken [whatever] that needs fixing...  geez
Locarno
Boom!Headshot?
+2|5487|Scotland!
lmfao, it's so fucking funny because it's true.

I lol'd.

I lol'd my tits off tbh.

great work!!!  Gave me a great laugh!

and tbh.  better than the "fluff" featured post!

Last edited by Locarno (2005-10-10 09:07:10)

McCullough
Member
+7|5485
I'm going to print this and put it on the wall!

The Awful Truth. So funny.
LeGrandAssidomaen
Paper Is My Hobbyhorse
+1|5454
Nice one Apocalypse, lmao
<eN>Madcat
Member
+2|5487
2. The probability of killing someone is inversely proportional to how much you want to kill him.
4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.
10.When fleeing from an enemy, you will be shot to death, inches away from your cover.

SOOO TRUE!!!
wang!
Member
+1|5454
4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.

Yeah, that is so god damned true. Something always messes up...you shoot at one of them and can't seem to kill them even tho your cross hairs are dead on them...then the other two realise you're there and kill your ass with one spray and pray bullet.
bluehavoc8686
will frag for food
+11|5486|Pittsburgh, PA, USA
So admin/mods... sticky and/or feat. thread?

Very funny Apoc!
B.Schuss
I'm back, baby... ( sort of )
+664|5488|Cologne, Germany

you got it..
Ludwig
Member
+1|5451
55: if you have 95% of all the requirements for an Expert (gold badge) Badge IAR, u'll be kicked for a reserved slots ...

56: if you are on a killing streak, your 6800GT on your hardcore computer will decrase to 2 fps untill you die.

57: if you want to be in a specific team (US/MEC/China), you will always be in the other team, and outnumbered by the other team
VidSicious
Member
+25|5421
LMFAO !  Very Funny !

Here are 5 more:

58: When surprising an easy target, you will shoot 2 bullets and then hear "click" as your clip is out.  The enemy will turn around and shoot you dead.

59: When you make a mistake and rush into a street to be mowed down by an army of the enemy, a medic will rush out to revive you just before you respawn safely at your base.  The medic gets 2 revive points, the enemy gets 4 more kill points, and you get another 15 seconds of spawn time.

60: If you are an engineer and try to shift weapons in a rushed battle, you will default to the "wrench" weapon and look like a n00b offering to fix the enemy's machine gun.

61:  If you are a medic and try to shift weapons in a rushed battle, you will turn into Florence Nightingale and offer the enemy a medi-pack instead of shooting him.  The enemy never accepts your generous offer and turn the other cheek in gratitude.  They always shoot you.

62:  Your desire to get a heli or tank is proportional to how far away you spawn from them at the opening game spawn rush.

Check you stats, I am probably your best victim...

33rd[SS]Vid Sicious

Last edited by VidSicious (2005-10-10 15:39:22)

Omnimalice
All Hate
+1|5426|Northern VA

Apocalypse416 wrote:

50. Asking a Commander for ammo means he will send Artillery with the assumption you catch them and throw them at the enemy.
/me gives a standing ovation!
McGruff
Member
+0|5424
LMAO wow that was funny as Sht. My fav has to be these.

4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die.

27.the pinnacle of aviation technology cannot help a bomb hit its target

16.Even with the dexterity to balance the blade of his knife on his finger, a soldier will constantly miss when lunging to stab a stationary enemy.


I am still waiting to get my Air ribbon at almost 50k points because of 4 and 27. I usually miss the bomb then run into something or another teamate.
CMDR_Dave
Redneck
+66|5488|Missoula, MT
WOW. 
Rick_Biessman
Member
+4|5424|Germany
Nice. Murphy's Law on Battlefield.

63. You fly a attack heli in a genius position for the gunner for about 10 infantery kills. He will surely use the tv-guided missle and miss all the formerly stationary targets who now jump in every vehicle to hunt you down.

64. If you drive a tank and hear an aircraft flying over you, you can already search for the next spawn point (twentyone .. twentytwo .. booom)

65. You've got the best sniper position on the map, trapped with claymores. Within a minute a friendly chopper  make a ground flight to activate your claymores. For sure, you will only notice it when you hear a knifeman crawling right into your neck.
Locarno
Boom!Headshot?
+2|5487|Scotland!
Too far Vid.

58 only happens to you
59 is too true
60 sucks
61 is very good, but could have been worded better.
62 is true. too true
Mabec
Re-Member-Me
+6|5478
thats me, on all of them!!!!!

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2020 Jeff Minard