Whats the difference between Jesus and an orange breasted parrot? When you kill the parrot it stays dead
hahahahhahahaa
hahahahhahahaa
You know that joke was voted to be found most funny by Americans.DonFck wrote:
Two hunters go looking for some game in the forest.
After a while they decide to take a break and have some coffee. As the other one sets his rifle down on a treestub, the rifle accidentally fires, hitting the other hunter in the chest.
In shock, the hunter calls 911.
"911 emergency, how can I help you"
"Jesus Christ! I think I just killed my friend!"
"Try to relax, and tell me where you are"
"Seriously, what do I do, he's not moving!"
"Sir, you need to give me some information"
"F****!! He's not moving!"
After a while, the operator succeeds in calming the man down slightly.
"So, what do I do?"
"Sir, first, check that he in fact is dead"
BOOM!
"Ok, now what?"
Do you know what the joke found most funny by New Zealanders was?
- Doctor, I have a strawberry stuck up my arse.
- I have some cream for that.
We're so lame.
P.S: Fabbi_Kanin, I think they've changed that Wikipedia entry. I fucken laughed when I saw your sig though.
[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
how do u keep four blondes entertained at a bar
turn the bar stool upside down =]
turn the bar stool upside down =]
Who's there?WarmPudgy wrote:
btw, knock knock
A canadian is eating croissants for breakfast along with jelly. An american with chewing gum in his mouth walks in. The American says "do Canadians eat all the bread?" The canadian says "yes". The american says we dont, we eat only the inside and then recycle to crust and sell it to Canada. The american then said, "do you use jelly with your bread". The canadian said "yes". The american said "well we eat fresh fruit, and recycle the peels and waste and cell it to canada as jelly". The Canadian then got pissed and notice the americans gum in his mouth. The canadian said "do you have sex in America?"...the american said hell yeah...the canadian then said "what do you do with the condoms you use?" The American said "we throw them out". The Canadian said "well we dont, when were done with condoms we recycle them, melt them so they can be chewed and sell it to america as chewing gum" <-----OWNED
not if the bar stool had 3 legs...NOW WHAT!wrath2210 wrote:
how do u keep four blondes entertained at a bar
turn the bar stool upside down =]
then the american shot himeagles1106 wrote:
A canadian is eating croissants for breakfast along with jelly. An american with chewing gum in his mouth walks in. The American says "do Canadians eat all the bread?" The canadian says "yes". The american says we dont, we eat only the inside and then recycle to crust and sell it to Canada. The american then said, "do you use jelly with your bread". The canadian said "yes". The american said "well we eat fresh fruit, and recycle the peels and waste and cell it to canada as jelly". The Canadian then got pissed and notice the americans gum in his mouth. The canadian said "do you have sex in America?"...the american said hell yeah...the canadian then said "what do you do with the condoms you use?" The American said "we throw them out". The Canadian said "well we dont, when were done with condoms we recycle them, melt them so they can be chewed and sell it to america as chewing gum" <-----OWNED
Im not Canadian im 100% American by the way, just though it was a funny joke...
...Speechless..Tyferra wrote:
Do you know what the joke found most funny by New Zealanders was?
- Doctor, I have a strawberry stuck up my arse.
- I have some cream for that.
We're so lame.
I need around tree fiddy.
You're right, some lamer must have changed itTyferra wrote:
P.S: Fabbi_Kanin, I think they've changed that Wikipedia entry. I fucken laughed when I saw your sig though.
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
c'mon people, you cant just rely on me for all the jokes can you? I need a laugh as well. If you guys put in more jokes I will put in more jokes just to keep the thread going. Its lookin promising so far
Guess I can tell you one then...
John and his wife Lisa had been married for 50 years and John wanted to ask his wife something.
-Have you ever had sex with anyone else during our marriage?
-I'm sorry to admit that I've done it three times, she answered.
-Three times? When did this happen?
-Well the first time was 35 years ago when you wanted to start your own company but no bank would lend you the money you needed. Do you remember that the bank director suddently called you and offered what you wanted?
-Oh yes, but you did it for me so it's not that bad. When was the second time then?
-Remember 10 years ago when you suffered a heartattack but no one would do the needed surgery?
And then suddently, Dr.Smith would do it.
-But that wasn't that bad either. You did it for me again. But what about the last time then?
Remember 2 years ago when you wanted to be the chairman for the golfclub, but you needed 36 more votes?........
John and his wife Lisa had been married for 50 years and John wanted to ask his wife something.
-Have you ever had sex with anyone else during our marriage?
-I'm sorry to admit that I've done it three times, she answered.
-Three times? When did this happen?
-Well the first time was 35 years ago when you wanted to start your own company but no bank would lend you the money you needed. Do you remember that the bank director suddently called you and offered what you wanted?
-Oh yes, but you did it for me so it's not that bad. When was the second time then?
-Remember 10 years ago when you suffered a heartattack but no one would do the needed surgery?
And then suddently, Dr.Smith would do it.
-But that wasn't that bad either. You did it for me again. But what about the last time then?
Remember 2 years ago when you wanted to be the chairman for the golfclub, but you needed 36 more votes?........
hahaha yay, sum1 apart from me is putting in sum effort
LAdams_BJ wrote:
^^^damn that a good 1
Ok im gonna say 1 but sum might get offended i.e. girls sorry
3 blondes were stranded on a desert island and a genie appears, he says " i will grant each of u 1 wish"
He turns 2 the 1st blonde she says i would like 2 be 25% smarter, so with a blink of the genies eye she turns into a red head, makes a crude raft and sails 2 the mainland.
the second blonde then made a wish she would like 2 b 50%smarter, so she turns into a brunette and makes a row boat, and rows back 2 da mainland
3 third blonde then wished she could b 100% smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge
M
!!F!!
A
O
+1
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say Hell and you say Ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw Hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your Ass it won't be Cheerios!"
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw Hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your Ass it won't be Cheerios!"
LOLLERSKATES
A mexican, a black man, and a white guy are all walking down the beach when they find a magic genie lamp. The mexican rubs it and a genie appears. He says, "I will grant you each 1 wish." So the mexican says, "I wish all of my people were free back in mexico!" So POOF! EVery mexican is now back in mexico. Then they black guy says, "I want all of my black brothers to be back in Africa and have great living conditions." So POOF! Every black person in the u.s. is now in africa. So the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me all the spics and niggers are out of my country?" "Yes." The genie says. So the white guy says, "Well then I'll just have a coke please"
A mexican, a black man, and a white guy are all walking down the beach when they find a magic genie lamp. The mexican rubs it and a genie appears. He says, "I will grant you each 1 wish." So the mexican says, "I wish all of my people were free back in mexico!" So POOF! EVery mexican is now back in mexico. Then they black guy says, "I want all of my black brothers to be back in Africa and have great living conditions." So POOF! Every black person in the u.s. is now in africa. So the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me all the spics and niggers are out of my country?" "Yes." The genie says. So the white guy says, "Well then I'll just have a coke please"
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
I don't have so much time so I give you a short one.
A man called for a doctor and sounded hysteric: ''My 5-year old son just swallowed a condom!''
-Don't worry, I'll come to take a look at him.
And when the doc was about to come, the man called him again.
-Doctor, you don't have to come anymore. I found an other condom!
A man called for a doctor and sounded hysteric: ''My 5-year old son just swallowed a condom!''
-Don't worry, I'll come to take a look at him.
And when the doc was about to come, the man called him again.
-Doctor, you don't have to come anymore. I found an other condom!
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and
>drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
>When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese
>man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign!
>You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car
>exhausts.
>
>Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when
>the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You
>sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got
>the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
>
>The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When
>he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a
>huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard
>under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
>
>Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now, so he
>pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look,
>go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!"
>Then he slams the door in his face again.
>
>The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the
>afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On
>opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man
>thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You
>sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks
>full of car parts.
>
>This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks
>up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:
>"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must
>have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these
>to?"
>
>The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults
>his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
>drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
>When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese
>man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign!
>You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car
>exhausts.
>
>Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when
>the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You
>sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got
>the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
>
>The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When
>he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a
>huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard
>under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
>
>Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now, so he
>pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look,
>go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!"
>Then he slams the door in his face again.
>
>The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the
>afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On
>opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man
>thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You
>sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks
>full of car parts.
>
>This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks
>up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:
>"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must
>have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these
>to?"
>
>The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults
>his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
what did the tomato say to the other one?
NOTHING, tomatoes can't talk stupid!
NOTHING, tomatoes can't talk stupid!
I laughed SO hard when I read that. I doubled over on my desk and couldn't move for forty full seconds.Tyferra wrote:
Do you know what the joke found most funny by New Zealanders was?
- Doctor, I have a strawberry stuck up my arse.
- I have some cream for that.
Last edited by LaidBackNinja (2006-05-03 07:07:59)
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell
how do you get a mongolian in a phone box?
>put a tin of beans in there
how do you get him out?
>wave a tin opener
>put a tin of beans in there
how do you get him out?
>wave a tin opener
I heard you were a boxer, get down and give me 2 blows to the head!!!
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
?