I really need some advice... Don't no what to do.

2011-04-12 22:55:11

#1

Babb Master Flash: Justice for the 96!; +540|6655|Oslo, Norway

Yesterday I was putting away some laundery when I came over a notebook in my wives underweardrawer. "Stupid" as I was I checked what was in it and I was shocked!!! She had written some very disturbing notes that made me scared, dissapointed, angry and terrified! What was in it was what I would call it a suicide note. If I looked at it in the best way I could at the moment, she was going to leave us without killing herself. Either way, this was extremely disturbing for me.

We have a four year old girl and a two year old son together. After giving birt to our son she got a birth depression, a really heavy one. Luckily, the worst part of it lasted for about two weeks. This might have been written then but that's a wild guess.. She has been seeing a psychiatrist and things seem normal at the time, but this scares the hell out of me. I'm really not sure if I'm capable to look after and raise two wonderful kids all by myself.

I don't know how to confront her with this? Is it worth it? At the same time I feel I deserve some answers. We had our 5 year anniversary last friday (marriage) and I can't really see a future without her. Can this be a homewrecker? My head is spinning and I can't focus on anything so I could really need some advice..

Thanks.

/Babb

2011-04-12 23:04:31

#2

Shahter: Zee Ruskie; +295|7049|Moscow, Russia

Babb Master Flash wrote:
This might have been written then but that's a wild guess..

don't guess, check the file attributes - creation date and last updated date - then you'll know for sure.

if you open your mind too much your brain will fall out.

2011-04-12 23:24:41

#3

Kmar: Truth is my Bitch; +5,695|6875|132 and Bush

Shahter wrote:
Babb Master Flash wrote:
This might have been written then but that's a wild guess..
don't guess, check the file attributes - creation date and last updated date - then you'll know for sure.

I think he's talking about a paper notebook.

Xbone Stormsurgezz

2011-04-12 23:26:50

#4

mtb0minime: minimember; +2,418|6929

Confront her about it and have a nice chat. I bet she secretly wanted you (or someone) to find it, as a cry for help.

Better to take that risk than do nothing and regret it for the rest of your life if things go sour.

2011-04-12 23:58:46

#5

Babb Master Flash: Justice for the 96!; +540|6655|Oslo, Norway

Yeah, it was a paper notebook.

But this is a hard thing to discuss. How to even start this conversation? But this is eating me inside out. Gotta find it out, but don't now how to...

2011-04-13 00:17:42

#6

lowing: Banned; +1,662|6925|USA

Babb Master Flash wrote:
Yesterday I was putting away some laundery when I came over a notebook in my wives underweardrawer. "Stupid" as I was I checked what was in it and I was shocked!!! She had written some very disturbing notes that made me scared, dissapointed, angry and terrified! What was in it was what I would call it a suicide note. If I looked at it in the best way I could at the moment, she was going to leave us without killing herself. Either way, this was extremely disturbing for me.

We have a four year old girl and a two year old son together. After giving birt to our son she got a birth depression, a really heavy one. Luckily, the worst part of it lasted for about two weeks. This might have been written then but that's a wild guess.. She has been seeing a psychiatrist and things seem normal at the time, but this scares the hell out of me. I'm really not sure if I'm capable to look after and raise two wonderful kids all by myself.

I don't know how to confront her with this? Is it worth it? At the same time I feel I deserve some answers. We had our 5 year anniversary last friday (marriage) and I can't really see a future without her. Can this be a homewrecker? My head is spinning and I can't focus on anything so I could really need some advice..

Thanks.

/Babb

Maybe you should go with her to one of her sessions, and discuss it there in front of a professional who can help?

2011-04-13 00:57:22

#7

Shahter: Zee Ruskie; +295|7049|Moscow, Russia

Kmar wrote:
I think he's talking about a paper notebook.

Babb Master Flash wrote:
Yeah, it was a paper notebook.

ah, ic.

then, as lowing suggested, go to her psychiatrist ask a professional, but do it without her first.

Last edited by Shahter (2011-04-13 00:58:01)

if you open your mind too much your brain will fall out.

2011-04-13 01:24:46

#8

Little BaBy JESUS: m8; +394|6423|'straya

I would take the notebook to a professional, see what they make of it and if they have any recommendations.

2011-04-13 03:19:34

#9

FEOS: Bellicose Yankee Air Pirate; +1,182|6685|'Murka

I'd say Shahter and LBJ have it right. If she's truly as fragile as you suspect, confronting her outright could send her over the edge.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein
Doing the popular thing is not always right. Doing the right thing is not always popular

2011-04-13 07:10:43

#10

Pug: UR father's brother's nephew's former roommate; +652|6816|Texas - Bigger than France

Babb Master Flash wrote:
Yeah, it was a paper notebook.

But this is a hard thing to discuss. How to even start this conversation? But this is eating me inside out. Gotta find it out, but don't now how to...

It's common when seeing a therapist for the therapist to tell the person to keep a journal. Remember, it's a personal diary. Not everything in a diary is real...sometimes you just write to get it out of your head.

And post-birth depression sucks. My wife once said "sometimes I think it would be easy to shake them until they shut up" within a week of the birth. But saying it doesn't mean it happens.

My advice is to stay out of her diary. Pretend nothing happened.

If she is, in fact seeing a therapist, its likely the therapist will ASK YOU to be involved, otherwise stay out of it.

My other piece of advice, is that if you HAVE TO talk to her about it first, make sure you talk to her therapist in convidence before you discuss anything with your wife. You don't want to undo any progress they have achieved because you take her one direction, when therapy is going another.

My wife has a diary, always had one. It's her personal space and I respect it. Hell, when's something is screwy, I just ask her rather than making it a research project.

2011-04-13 07:41:26

#11

11 Bravo: Banned; +965|5511|Cleveland, Ohio

everyday something shows me why i do not want to be married. sucks for you but thank you.

2011-04-13 08:55:31

#12

tuckergustav: ...; +1,590|6188|...

Oh man...well...this is a tuff one. First of all...think about your motivations for confronting her. You expressed worry about not being prepared to raise your kids on your own...that would be a very counter-productive thing to approach her with. If she thinks you are only confronting her out of selfish worry then she probably won't be very open about things.

You could talk to her therapist, but you should ask her permission first...because a)the therapist won't discuss their patient with you without permission and b)she may feel like you are betraying her somehow by going behind her back.

...

2011-04-13 09:33:03

#13

13rin: Member; +977|6753

Sorry to hear this. Not an easy situation. Well, if it appears she's planning on leaving you you need to insulate yourself financially and mentally.

I don't know what divorce laws are like over there. I'd start hiding money in various accounts. In the States it's not too hard, you just pick the closest State and a not well known bank, open a checking account that doesn't generate interest -hence no 1099int form reported to the IRS! Got a brother or great friend? Put the auto/boat in his name.

I'd also scour those notes to be sure she's not planning on physically harming you or the kiddies. If there is any inkling, I'd 'baker act' her ass. Personally, I'd confront her, but I'm sure that many here would decry that notion.

Either way, you need to stay strong for the kiddies. Good luck.

Last edited by 13rin (2011-04-13 09:34:05)

I stood in line for four hours. They better give me a Wal-Mart gift card, or something. - Rodney Booker, Job Fair attendee.

2011-04-13 09:54:35

#14

13urnzz: Banned; +5,830|6771

11 Bravo wrote:
everyday something shows me why i do not want to be married. sucks for you but thank you.

because no one is sharing the good stuff with you, foreveraloner . . .

2011-04-13 09:55:43

#15

UnkleRukus: That Guy; +236|5310|Massachusetts, USA

burnzz wrote:
11 Bravo wrote:
everyday something shows me why i do not want to be married. sucks for you but thank you.
because no one is sharing the good stuff with you, foreveraboner . . .

fix't

If the women don't find ya handsome. They should at least find ya handy.

2011-04-13 10:39:07

#16

Ilocano: buuuurrrrrrppppp.......; +341|6941

Red flag about you stating you can't take care of the kids by yourself. Makes me think you aren't fairly sharing the load. As a father myself, the thought of not being able to take care of my kids by myself never crossed my mind. Hell, I've done exactly that on occassion when my wife had to be out of State or out of the country for an extended period.

Some questions. What's your percentage role in caring for your kids? What's her workload at home and work? Is she feeling overwhelmed? She loosing connection to you? Show her that you can take care of the kids. Make some "just you two" times. When was the last time you went out on a date, just the two of you? When was the last time she went out with her girl friends?

2011-04-13 11:15:53

#17

Superior Mind: (not macbeth); +1,755|6967

13rin wrote:
Sorry to hear this. Not an easy situation. Well, if it appears she's planning on leaving you you need to insulate yourself financially and mentally.

I don't know what divorce laws are like over there. I'd start hiding money in various accounts. In the States it's not too hard, you just pick the closest State and a not well known bank, open a checking account that doesn't generate interest -hence no 1099int form reported to the IRS! Got a brother or great friend? Put the auto/boat in his name.

I'd also scour those notes to be sure she's not planning on physically harming you or the kiddies. If there is any inkling, I'd 'baker act' her ass. Personally, I'd confront her, but I'm sure that many here would decry that notion.

Either way, you need to stay strong for the kiddies. Good luck.

Wtf dude. Way to be a fucking pessimist.

On topic: Talk to your wife. She's your wife.

x

2011-04-13 11:20:12

#18

Babb Master Flash: Justice for the 96!; +540|6655|Oslo, Norway

Ilocano wrote:
Red flag about you stating you can't take care of the kids by yourself. Makes me think you aren't fairly sharing the load. As a father myself, the thought of not being able to take care of my kids by myself never crossed my mind. Hell, I've done exactly that on occassion when my wife had to be out of State or out of the country for an extended period.

Some questions. What's your percentage role in caring for your kids? What's her workload at home and work? Is she feeling overwhelmed? She loosing connection to you? Show her that you can take care of the kids. Make some "just you two" times. When was the last time you went out on a date, just the two of you? When was the last time she went out with her girl friends?

Well, didn' get much sleep tonight, it was my head spinning off. Of course I can take care of my kids if this is happening. But it's gonna be real tough!

- What do my mean? We live together, we work fulltime jobs, the one finishing first makes the dinner, when we have weekends off I take the kids to the playground, feeding ducks whatever they want to. We both clean/wash/tidying up around here...

If she want to meet friendsor take a night out I'm not stopping her. She can do whatever she want to (not f

2011-04-13 11:30:56

#19

-Whiteroom-: Pineapplewhat; +572|6933|BC, Canada

Talk to somebody (a professional) who knows about this sort of thing by yourself. They will be able to give you much better advice than a bunch of forum retards like us. Dealing with depressed people is a delicate matter and needs to be done properly. Good luck with it.

2011-04-13 11:35:29

#20

jord: Member; +2,382|6952|The North, beyond the wall.

More than likely intentional as a cry for help. However it's a big risk, and only you know your wife here so you decide. I'd see a seperate professional for his take, but again you know your wife better than anyone...

Last edited by jord (2011-04-13 11:36:05)

2011-04-13 12:00:18

#21

Macbeth: Banned; +2,444|5860

Nic wrote:
Talk to somebody (a professional) who knows about this sort of thing by yourself. They will be able to give you much better advice than a bunch of forum retards like us. Dealing with depressed people is a delicate matter and needs to be done properly. Good luck with it.

2011-04-13 13:39:47

#22

Ilocano: buuuurrrrrrppppp.......; +341|6941

Babb Master Flash wrote:
Ilocano wrote:
Red flag about you stating you can't take care of the kids by yourself. Makes me think you aren't fairly sharing the load. As a father myself, the thought of not being able to take care of my kids by myself never crossed my mind. Hell, I've done exactly that on occassion when my wife had to be out of State or out of the country for an extended period.

Some questions. What's your percentage role in caring for your kids? What's her workload at home and work? Is she feeling overwhelmed? She loosing connection to you? Show her that you can take care of the kids. Make some "just you two" times. When was the last time you went out on a date, just the two of you? When was the last time she went out with her girl friends?
Well, didn' get much sleep tonight, it was my head spinning off. Of course I can take care of my kids if this is happening. But it's gonna be real tough!

- What do my mean? We live together, we work fulltime jobs, the one finishing first makes the dinner, when we have weekends off I take the kids to the playground, feeding ducks whatever they want to. We both clean/wash/tidying up around here...

If she want to meet friendsor take a night out I'm not stopping her. She can do whatever she want to (not f

Got cut off?

While I agree, consult professional help, your reply above gives some clues. Seems a combination of things. Stuck in a rut. Trapped in a cycle of family duties. Very little "self" or "couple" time. Go fly off somewhere for the weekend. I still get brownie points from my wife when I surprised her with tickets to a flight across the country for the weekend. She needs a refresh from the daily grind that is the responsibility of kids and family. My wife has gone through that herself. Schedule date night at least once a week. Just you two. She can go out with friends, yes. But tell her to go out. Not just that it's ok, but tell her to go out with her friends sometimes.

2011-04-14 10:18:19

#23

Babb Master Flash: Justice for the 96!; +540|6655|Oslo, Norway

I have good news!

Talked to my wife yesterday and this wasn't meant as a suicide note at all. About a year ago she was flying to Berlin on a work trip. But after that major depression she had she HATES flying and was terrified about flying to Germany. Yesterday she said she wrote this "in case the plane fell down..." I wasn't suppose to find this notebook at all. When I said that this can be read differently than the meaning of it, she fully understood me and was really sad. We kissed and "made up" so no harm done.

I'm really sorry for bothering you guys with this thread, I jumped the conclusion and the mailbox blew up in my face.

//Babb

2011-04-14 10:27:41

#24

Sturgeon: Member; +488|5215|Flintshire

Glad to hear it, now you just need to stop supporting Liverpool

https://bf3s.com/sigs/3dda27c6d0d9b22836605b152b9d214b99507f91.png

2011-04-14 10:47:45

#25

Trotskygrad: бля; +354|6273|Vortex Ring State

all's well that ends well

BF2S Forums I really need some advice... Don't no what to do.

Babb Master Flash wrote:

Shahter wrote:

Babb Master Flash wrote:

Babb Master Flash wrote:

Kmar wrote:

Babb Master Flash wrote:

Babb Master Flash wrote:

11 Bravo wrote:

burnzz wrote:

11 Bravo wrote:

13rin wrote:

Ilocano wrote:

Nic wrote:

Babb Master Flash wrote:

Ilocano wrote:

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