Well, not all...but a good percentage. 3 in the last 5 years, maybe more. I really don't know what exactly to make of it, and I shall address these theories later.
The first claimed to be a bisexual. I figured that Uncle Badtouch got to her when she was a tyke or something. "That's OK, you can take it out on my cock" I reasoned. As soon as I dumped her, she was sucking carpet like a hoover. The second claimed to hate the idea of lesbianism. Weeks after I dumped her she moved in with a flannel wearing feminist type. This may shock some of you, but the feminist type had previously hated me for no other reason than being a misogynist pig. You just can't reason with some people. The third was a good friend of the first that I wanted to nail. She also claimed that she would never go gay. Trust me, I inquired on several occasions. Now I run into her and her life partner on a regular basis.
I really don't go for chicks in flannel shirts who drive pickup trucks to gay rally events. Usually these are types who don't seem to enjoy my witty banter. I like girly girls, with dresses and makeup and such. All of the previously mentioned girls fit this mold.
As I pondered this today, the only common link that I can find is that they all dated (and were dumped) by me. I can't help but shake the feeling that I had something to do with this, so here are my theories:
1. I am too much man. After any stint with me, there is no where else to go but down. You've reached the summit and have been pushed off. Time to buy a flannel, a dozen cats and wait to die.
2. My dick is way to big to belong to any human. Most horses would run in fear, trying to escape the massive dick shaped shadow blotting out the sun. These chicks can no longer bear children, as the fetus will simply fall out of the womb. They have taken all the pain they can handle; it's time to find shelter from my cock.
3. I'm too awesome. Standing in the shadow of my awesomeness can get pretty cold sometimes. I leave awesome messes to clean up, and my shorts have too awesome of a streak for even tide to wash out. The burden of their inferiority becomes too much, and they must retreat to someone who understands them, on a more pathetic level.
4. I'm an asshole. Unlikely, but still possible enough to list. The thought of another man in their lives is enough to make them vomit on their Doc Martins. Good thing their new Mr. Spock haircut isn't long enough to any spew on.
I could go on, but I grow weary. I have to go instruct on my new girlfriend on what she is doing wrong.
The first claimed to be a bisexual. I figured that Uncle Badtouch got to her when she was a tyke or something. "That's OK, you can take it out on my cock" I reasoned. As soon as I dumped her, she was sucking carpet like a hoover. The second claimed to hate the idea of lesbianism. Weeks after I dumped her she moved in with a flannel wearing feminist type. This may shock some of you, but the feminist type had previously hated me for no other reason than being a misogynist pig. You just can't reason with some people. The third was a good friend of the first that I wanted to nail. She also claimed that she would never go gay. Trust me, I inquired on several occasions. Now I run into her and her life partner on a regular basis.
I really don't go for chicks in flannel shirts who drive pickup trucks to gay rally events. Usually these are types who don't seem to enjoy my witty banter. I like girly girls, with dresses and makeup and such. All of the previously mentioned girls fit this mold.
As I pondered this today, the only common link that I can find is that they all dated (and were dumped) by me. I can't help but shake the feeling that I had something to do with this, so here are my theories:
1. I am too much man. After any stint with me, there is no where else to go but down. You've reached the summit and have been pushed off. Time to buy a flannel, a dozen cats and wait to die.
2. My dick is way to big to belong to any human. Most horses would run in fear, trying to escape the massive dick shaped shadow blotting out the sun. These chicks can no longer bear children, as the fetus will simply fall out of the womb. They have taken all the pain they can handle; it's time to find shelter from my cock.
3. I'm too awesome. Standing in the shadow of my awesomeness can get pretty cold sometimes. I leave awesome messes to clean up, and my shorts have too awesome of a streak for even tide to wash out. The burden of their inferiority becomes too much, and they must retreat to someone who understands them, on a more pathetic level.
4. I'm an asshole. Unlikely, but still possible enough to list. The thought of another man in their lives is enough to make them vomit on their Doc Martins. Good thing their new Mr. Spock haircut isn't long enough to any spew on.
I could go on, but I grow weary. I have to go instruct on my new girlfriend on what she is doing wrong.
