BF2S Forums How to comfort victim of sexual assault?

Sounds like she needs professional help mate.  If you really want to help her, book her in to see a psychologist or a support group.

step one.  Take her out and get her completely smashed.
step two.  Cop a feel.
step three. ???
step four.  Profit.



On a serious note, the best thing i can think of which isn't much, is she may get over it with time.

Hurricane2k9 wrote:

VspyVspy wrote:

Sounds like she needs professional help mate.  If you really want to help her, book her in to see a psychologist or a support group.

Yeah, I told her to look for one. I'm gonna ask my psychiatrist if he'd be able to see her as well (I know psychologists have policies where they can't see family members, but idk about friends). He's a damned good doctor and I think he'd do her a lot of help.

Don't use the same psychiatrist as she does, could get really weird and you could lose the impartial status of your psychiatrist.

Okay then, I'll ask for references. He's good so hopefully he knows other good ones. Thanks guys. Wish there was more I could do

Turquoise wrote:

KEN-JENNINGS wrote:

Tell her to go to a counselor.  Seriously.  There are people strictly dedicated to counseling sexual assault victims for a reason.

This ^^^

AussieReaper wrote:

Tell her parents, they might not know about it and are closer to her than you are.

They know about it.

Since she is hurting herself, it has moved beyond the "ameteur" level of help.  She needs to get professional help.
Also, perhaps getting in contact with someone else who has recovered from a sexual assualt may be helpful--common experience and healing, etc.

Hurricane2k9 wrote:

I'm trying to convince her that it really wasn't her fault at all (which it wasn't). But I just can't seem to break through. Any advice on this?

No offense to you personally, but it seems to me at this stage she could be comforted better by a woman. You said she's been violated by a guy she trusts, so she has probably developped trust issues. Trying to comfort her as a guy she trusts, at this point, is obvious fail. Perhaps it can be done, but you'll have to prove you can be trusted first, which if manageable is still a detour. Get a female friend NOT family to talk with her, the less she knows her, the better. She might say she has guilt issues, but I'm fairly certain those are only part of the problem. If she has developped trust issues with guys, evidently she's not going to speak them out to you.

What you could try to gain her trust is pushing the subject. Basically it comes down to being real tough to her rather than comforting (up to a certain level of course). When she starts about guilt, you yourself introduce what you think are her issues and also her views on your position; confront her with the things (you know) she does not speak out. A little care is advised though, but also not too much; as much as she can take, perhaps a little more. It also depends on how much you can take in being tough to your friend.

Ilocano wrote:

Find the culprit.  Beat the crap out of him.  Present him to her and have her kick him into submission.  That should do it...

This is often shoved of as a barbaric and useless solution, but if done well it can work. Find the guy, rough him up, present him to her and then let her decide what to do with him; break his arms etc. Chances are (quite high actually) that she just tells you to let him go, so then you will. The point is that even when she chooses to let him go, it will be her choice. Basically it put her back in control and back in control over the same guy that caused the problem. If however she does want you to break his arms or something, you should, otherwise it might have a negative effect. You most likely won't risk jail or anything, because whatever you do to him he'll always have a sexual assault charge haning above his head, and he'll probably want to leave it at his broken arm and no charges.

It can be an "instant fix", but quite a messy one.

RAIMIUS wrote:

perhaps getting in contact with someone else who has recovered from a sexual assualt may be helpful--common experience and healing, etc.

No, I would not recommend this. It might be too much of a "loosers club". It is difficult to lift people above yourself, it is easier to lift people when you're standing taller.

Last edited by Lai (2009-07-02 10:50:34)

Sexual assaults leave victims feeling powerless, all you can really do is make sure she's in control of everything, let her pick the drink, do the driving etc.

ghettoperson wrote:

Lai wrote:

Ilocano wrote:

Find the culprit.  Beat the crap out of him.  Present him to her and have her kick him into submission.  That should do it...

This is often shoved of as a barbaric and useless solution, but if done well it can work. Find the guy, rough him up, present him to her and then let her decide what to do with him; break his arms etc. Chances are (quite high actually) that she just tells you to let him go, so then you will. The point is that even when she chooses to let him go, it will be her choice. Basically it put her back in control and back in control over the same guy that caused the problem. If however she does want you to break his arms or something, you should, otherwise it might have a negative effect. You most likely won't risk jail or anything, because whatever you do to him he'll always have a sexual assault charge haning above his head, and he'll probably want to leave it at his broken arm and no charges.

It can be an "instant fix", but quite a messy one.

Seriously, you're advocating letting her break some dudes arms as a form of counselling? In any case, unless this dude is a midget, Hurricane is not going to be able to do that - no offence Hurri.

It's not about the breaking of the arms, it is about putting her in control, and I said it was a rather messy solution.

Hurricane does not need to go to the gym is he plans on taking this course of action, he can just use "tools" (e.g barstool and twist).

Lai wrote:

Ilocano wrote:

Find the culprit.  Beat the crap out of him.  Present him to her and have her kick him into submission.  That should do it...

This is often shoved of as a barbaric and useless solution, but if done well it can work. Find the guy, rough him up, present him to her and then let her decide what to do with him; break his arms etc. Chances are (quite high actually) that she just tells you to let him go, so then you will. The point is that even when she chooses to let him go, it will be her choice. Basically it put her back in control and back in control over the same guy that caused the problem. If however she does want you to break his arms or something, you should, otherwise it might have a negative effect. You most likely won't risk jail or anything, because whatever you do to him he'll always have a sexual assault charge haning above his head, and he'll probably want to leave it at his broken arm and no charges.

Please, please do not follow the bolded advice. Don't for a second think a Law Enforcement Officer or even a Judge will simply turn a blind eye to you assaulting someone who holds a sexual assault charge. Not only can the party you assault sue you, you can end up putting yourself into a lethal situation yourself.

You haven't yet stipulated in your post whether or not the person who sexually assulted her actually got charged for it, I assume not yet seeing as though they would likely be in prison. How old were both the victim and the 'attacker'? The law gets tricky when dealing with > 18 with cases like this.

Sorry to say, but you could not only face the law with 'revenge', but keep in mind this had nothing to do with you, so getting involved will likely complicate things for you and your friend. That and this person could indeed turn out to kick your ass which wouldn't be good.

There are hotlines she can use to speak to professional counselors over the phone for anonimity, who are trained for this exact type of case. Like others have suggested, she needs to seek help, the important thing is, SHE needs to WANT to help herself as well. As her friend, you need to help her help herself, as Lai mentioned above, she will have trust issues with guys until this gets worked out, so be careful in your approach and just be as friendly as you can. She will be fragile, so treat her with that in mind.

I have had a best friend (female) get raped and it's a tough thing, they never forget.

Last edited by Zombie_Affair (2009-07-03 13:29:44)

Lai wrote:

Zombie_Affair wrote:

Please, please do not follow the bolded advice. Don't for a second think a Law Enforcement Officer or even a Judge will simply turn a blind eye to you assaulting someone who holds a sexual assault charge.

I didn't say they would, I merely said that the someone is less likely to press charges against you.

That's not at all true. Someone who would assault, sexually, a trusted friend is the kind of person likely to use whatever means they can to take someone down attempting revenge. Suggesting to Hurricane that assaulting someone, because of their actions which had no direct connection to him is a good idea to help his friend get over the ordeal is just silly. That's just setting Hurricane up for a nice lawsuit and a fat lip.

The last thing his friend needs right now is more assaulting and more attention on this subject. Beating the daylights out of her 'attacker' will not help you or her. She needs professional help, not renegade justice.

Last edited by Zombie_Affair (2009-07-03 06:12:23)