Yeah maybe. I don't really know what I want right now, I think I'm starting to get tired of the one night stand thing a bit.Ultrafunkula wrote:
Go get drunk with her and with her only. No friends about of any kind. Make up some excuse to go out and have some dinner/lunch/whatever and order some wine. Then order some more and more and off you go to the club. Then when the slow motion tunes start playing you lure her on the dancefloor and make your moves. Or then just go to a bar with her and start paying her some drinks and start talking things that she wants to hear. Remember to look her in the eyes for long periods at a time and smile/grin in a playful way. Order shots for you both and tell her you're celebrating something. That Ajax won the game last night or sumtin. In the end if she falls in love with you, it's not my fault Unless you want it in whic case remember to invite me to your weddingghettoperson wrote:
New problem you guys, and this actually requires some real help. I've decided I want to fuck a friend of mine. Female obviously. But how should I go about doing that? It's much harder that with someone you don't know.
Likewise a penis the girth of a straw will pose similar issues.Pochsy wrote:
I never understood to the obsession with penis size. Chances are if she's seen your dong, she's taking it regardless of size. The only thing that really matters from what I've gathered is girth. If you have a coke-can dick, good luck.
Rotterdam was the city bombed to smithereens by ze Germans in 1940. In consequence the entire city had to be rebuilt in '46 on a very tight budget, hence the present prevailance of cubic concrete in the city centre's architecture. In other words it is about the shittiest place you could go to, the population isn't the best there either and though there might be some nice bars everythings is miles apart, preventing proper pub/club hopping.Ultrafunkula wrote:
Go get drunk with her and with her only. No friends about of any kind. Make up some excuse to go out and have some dinner/lunch/whatever and order some wine. Then order some more and more and off you go to the club. Then when the slow motion tunes start playing you lure her on the dancefloor and make your moves. Or then just go to a bar with her and start paying her some drinks and start talking things that she wants to hear. Remember to look her in the eyes for long periods at a time and smile/grin in a playful way. Order shots for you both and tell her you're celebrating something. That Ajax won the game last night or sumtin. In the end if she falls in love with you, it's not my fault Unless you want it in whic case remember to invite me to your wedding
Oh, and is Rotterdam a nice place? Holland - Finland footie qualifier will be played there in sep.
Eh,.. I would try it without too much drink to be honest. As far as I can tell from your other post, you wouldn't want her to look back on it as an alcohol induced excess among friends. Do have dinner with her, but at some fancy place or at either one of your homes (depending on your living conditions ). Take her to the border of what is allowable for friends, then push her just over. You actually want her to be aware of your intentions, but you don't want it to be in her face, because she might be offended by that from a friend and if it doesn't works you'll loose both the opportunity and a friend. For most girls, I wouldn't use celebrating a soccer match as an excuse though. Eye contact IS important, there is a subtile yet distinct difference between that of friends and of something else/more. In a way it is harder than with someone you don't know. There is another side to it though and that is that you already have an emotional bond (be it of a slightly different nature) and you are already in the good books.ghettoperson wrote:
New problem you guys, and this actually requires some real help. I've decided I want to fuck a friend of mine. Female obviously. But how should I go about doing that? It's much harder that with someone you don't know.
My girlfriend is extremely clingy. What do?
Get her a gay best friend
sex her like any normal guy would do.Hurricane2k9 wrote:
My girlfriend is extremely clingy. What do?
My girlfriend is 16 years of age in difference with me. What do?
stop dating 40 year olds.
or three year olds.
Adams_BJ wrote:
stop dating 40 year olds.
burnzz wrote:
or three year olds.
Last edited by Chou (2010-03-14 19:08:46)
Okay serious post.
My girlfriend suffers from some mental illness. I'm not sure what seeing as I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know that she suffers from one because she's had suicidal ideation before and she cuts. She also has mood swings where one minute she's happy and the next she's miserable (and no it's not her period).
The littlest things get to her. The other day she said she bought a Britney Spears song and I jokingly (and yes I know it's a boneheaded joke to make) said "ok, guess it's over." She seemed to take it fine (this was on chat) but later that night was really sad and said that she thought I was serious.
I love my girlfriend a ton, but I don't know what to do. I feel like everything I do has a chance of sending her into a depressed, self-harming state. She's so obsessed with me being happy that she forgets that she needs to be happy too.
I've told her to talk to her shrink about this sort of stuff. She said she brought it up the last time she saw her, but that she won't see her for another month but that "it's fine." No, it really isn't fine. She NEEDS psychiatric help. She doesn't seem willing to get it herself. Her parents are aware that she's got problems, but I don't think they're aware of how serious it is (or if they even care).
What do I do? I feel trapped, almost.
My girlfriend suffers from some mental illness. I'm not sure what seeing as I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know that she suffers from one because she's had suicidal ideation before and she cuts. She also has mood swings where one minute she's happy and the next she's miserable (and no it's not her period).
The littlest things get to her. The other day she said she bought a Britney Spears song and I jokingly (and yes I know it's a boneheaded joke to make) said "ok, guess it's over." She seemed to take it fine (this was on chat) but later that night was really sad and said that she thought I was serious.
I love my girlfriend a ton, but I don't know what to do. I feel like everything I do has a chance of sending her into a depressed, self-harming state. She's so obsessed with me being happy that she forgets that she needs to be happy too.
I've told her to talk to her shrink about this sort of stuff. She said she brought it up the last time she saw her, but that she won't see her for another month but that "it's fine." No, it really isn't fine. She NEEDS psychiatric help. She doesn't seem willing to get it herself. Her parents are aware that she's got problems, but I don't think they're aware of how serious it is (or if they even care).
What do I do? I feel trapped, almost.
Pretty much living Fatal Attraction. Seems like she has borderline personality disorder.
Defiantly BPD.She's so obsessed with me being happy that she forgets that she needs to be happy too.
Yup, I'm convinced.The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines borderline personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[2][18]
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms
It is a requirement of DSM-IV that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.
it seems harsh but if she isn't willing to help herself get out. Its not going to get better it will most likely get worse and it doesn't have to be your problem.
Lots of girls cut themselves nowadays and say they're gonna kill themselves.
It's all bollocks, she just sounds insecure about herself.
Also, make sure your jokes over 'chat' are clearly meant to be jokes. If she's got a negative attitude towards herself, she's gonna read what she 'wants' to read, if you get what I mean.
After a while, your jokes will be understood easier. But she sounds like an emo girl, and they're always messed up in the head. Just be careful about what you say, if you want it to last. In my experience, they don't change (at this age, anyway) so you just gotta work with it.
It's all bollocks, she just sounds insecure about herself.
Also, make sure your jokes over 'chat' are clearly meant to be jokes. If she's got a negative attitude towards herself, she's gonna read what she 'wants' to read, if you get what I mean.
After a while, your jokes will be understood easier. But she sounds like an emo girl, and they're always messed up in the head. Just be careful about what you say, if you want it to last. In my experience, they don't change (at this age, anyway) so you just gotta work with it.
girl i'm practically in love with just broke up with her boyfriend of about... idk, i guess 3 months it'd be now?
she said she loved him but i don't think so
what do
she said she loved him but i don't think so
what do
Be there for herPoseidon wrote:
girl i'm practically in love with just broke up with her boyfriend of about... idk, i guess 3 months it'd be now?
she said she loved him but i don't think so
what do
@Macbeth yes, she does seem to do #1, #2 this is her first real long-term relationship, #3 hmm... idk about persistently... it comes and goes, #5 yes, 6 I think so, #7-9 don't think so
@Adams honestly, I've considered it. The thing is I think I love her too much to just leave her to the wolves of her mind. If I can at least get her some help, it'd be easier to leave.
@FFLink she is insecure about herself sometimes. And yeah I'll work on that.
The thing is, she's not usually so negatively emotional. Usually she seems pretty happy. I sometimes think she often ends up less happy after hanging out with me, because she thinks I did something or said something because I don't like her. For instance, I was fingering her and we were both enjoying it, yet tonight we were talking on the phone and she said it seemed like I didn't enjoy it, and she sounded really hurt. I'm sorry I don't look giddy like a fat kid in a candy store, but just because I'm not grinning like hell doesn't mean I'm not enjoying something.
If I had to make an amateur diagnosis I'd go with bipolar disorder, simply because one day she'll be really happy and then be depressed for a few hours.
Another example: she took something the wrong way one night, I said I was sorry and didn't mean it like that, she got into a manic episode of crying and apparently hurting herself. Next morning we talk and she seems okay and happy. A few hours later she texts me saying she doesn't want to talk to me tonight. After some discussion she relents.
@Adams honestly, I've considered it. The thing is I think I love her too much to just leave her to the wolves of her mind. If I can at least get her some help, it'd be easier to leave.
@FFLink she is insecure about herself sometimes. And yeah I'll work on that.
The thing is, she's not usually so negatively emotional. Usually she seems pretty happy. I sometimes think she often ends up less happy after hanging out with me, because she thinks I did something or said something because I don't like her. For instance, I was fingering her and we were both enjoying it, yet tonight we were talking on the phone and she said it seemed like I didn't enjoy it, and she sounded really hurt. I'm sorry I don't look giddy like a fat kid in a candy store, but just because I'm not grinning like hell doesn't mean I'm not enjoying something.
If I had to make an amateur diagnosis I'd go with bipolar disorder, simply because one day she'll be really happy and then be depressed for a few hours.
Another example: she took something the wrong way one night, I said I was sorry and didn't mean it like that, she got into a manic episode of crying and apparently hurting herself. Next morning we talk and she seems okay and happy. A few hours later she texts me saying she doesn't want to talk to me tonight. After some discussion she relents.
My last relationship was almost identical to that, Hurri. I was stupid enough to 1) stay with her and damn near enable her 2) try and solve it myself.Hurricane2k9 wrote:
Okay serious post.
My girlfriend suffers from some mental illness. I'm not sure what seeing as I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know that she suffers from one because she's had suicidal ideation before and she cuts. She also has mood swings where one minute she's happy and the next she's miserable (and no it's not her period).
The littlest things get to her. The other day she said she bought a Britney Spears song and I jokingly (and yes I know it's a boneheaded joke to make) said "ok, guess it's over." She seemed to take it fine (this was on chat) but later that night was really sad and said that she thought I was serious.
I love my girlfriend a ton, but I don't know what to do. I feel like everything I do has a chance of sending her into a depressed, self-harming state. She's so obsessed with me being happy that she forgets that she needs to be happy too.
I've told her to talk to her shrink about this sort of stuff. She said she brought it up the last time she saw her, but that she won't see her for another month but that "it's fine." No, it really isn't fine. She NEEDS psychiatric help. She doesn't seem willing to get it herself. Her parents are aware that she's got problems, but I don't think they're aware of how serious it is (or if they even care).
What do I do? I feel trapped, almost.
She needs help. Until she gets it... I don't think you should stay with her. I speak from experience.
When we started getting into arguments in late August, I had to worry every fucking time that just because I disagreed with her on something, she'd cut. It got to a point where she became my number one priority, and not myself.
This describes me to a T. I often spend so much time trying to keep her happy that I can't talk about my own problems. And when I do, she always seems to think that she's the cause of them, that she's a "bad girlfriend" and I "deserve better."Poseidon wrote:
When we started getting into arguments in late August, I had to worry every fucking time that just because I disagreed with her on something, she'd cut. It got to a point where she became my number one priority, and not myself.
What did you do?
Stayed with her until she broke up with me like the tool I am. I am a tool when it comes to girls, I'm not gonna deny that.Hurricane2k9 wrote:
This describes me to a T. I often spend so much time trying to keep her happy that I can't talk about my own problems. And when I do, she always seems to think that she's the cause of them, that she's a "bad girlfriend" and I "deserve better."Poseidon wrote:
When we started getting into arguments in late August, I had to worry every fucking time that just because I disagreed with her on something, she'd cut. It got to a point where she became my number one priority, and not myself.
What did you do?
My advice? End it now. You don't need this and neither did I, but I was too in love to realize it.
So am I... but I just feel like I should at least get her some help. If she actually did off herself because of me leaving her, I don't think I could live with that.
So I hit my girlfriend last night. Now I have never hit a girl, but she started talking about my father. She said my father was a drug addict and could never keep a relationship and and I was going to be just like him. My dad isn't perfect but he loved me and my mother and she just kept going on and on until I just lost it. It just happened. My fist reared back and I smashed her right in the nose. I expected it to be like in the movies where her nose would just trickle blood, but no. I t exploded with blood coming out of both nostrils and she banged her head into the wall.
She and I just sat there stunned for a few seconds and then she just freaked out and locked herself in the bathroom. She eventually took off but I haven't heard from the cops yet so I should he ok. I never hit a girl before so I kinda freaked. I told my mum what happened and my mum got scared
And she said you're moving with your aunti and uncle in bel-air
I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licence plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I though naw' forget it, yo holmes to bel-air
I pulled up to a house around seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby yo, holmes smell you later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there,
To sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.
She and I just sat there stunned for a few seconds and then she just freaked out and locked herself in the bathroom. She eventually took off but I haven't heard from the cops yet so I should he ok. I never hit a girl before so I kinda freaked. I told my mum what happened and my mum got scared
And she said you're moving with your aunti and uncle in bel-air
I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licence plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I though naw' forget it, yo holmes to bel-air
I pulled up to a house around seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby yo, holmes smell you later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there,
To sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.
If she kills herself because of you leaving her, she'd kill herself eventually no matter what.Hurricane2k9 wrote:
So am I... but I just feel like I should at least get her some help. If she actually did off herself because of me leaving her, I don't think I could live with that.
You can't worry about that. Staying with someone out of pity/fear of them killing themselves leads to HORRIBLE psychological problems for both you and her.
True... but the times we have when she's happy are so great. I just wish I could fix it.
Judging from your posts Hurri, you have even no desire to leave her, you are just frustrated about the situation. So the first thing I would say is not to leave her.
I'd like to stay away from any fixed diagnosis. The only thing it does it puts everyone with issues in a corner and put a "loony" stamp on them, so they can get in a system of endless councelling or get stuffed with pills that make them go numb. That may be required for some people, yes, but for people on the edge it probably does more harm than good. If you do want a clearcut explanation; have you considered that it might just be her age? People generally won't come to terms with themselves untill they are about 21 and I still know a lot of people that age with a long way to go. She is 16 right? That's about the most volatile they come, no offense intended. My bet would be her parents are perfectly aware of how serious this is, but are equally confused about how to address the situation. I'd also say that since you care for her in a very, uhm,.. "romantic" (that's not the right word, I know) way, you aren naturally more jumpy about it. Perhaps more than you should. I know I would be in any case.
The person most able to make a difference in this case is probably you, though it will be quite a burden. Don't put so much in it beyond a point that it is not helping anyway, as you'll only go down together. However, keep a certain balance and you can try to help her. Don't worry, she won't kill herself. What she needs to work on primarily is self esteem. Personally I don't belief in soft approaches. If she doesn't want to talk to you, don't go into a discussion, just head over regardless. If she doesn't think she can do something (school related or whatever) get her to do it. Get her out as well, make sure she sees other friends also without you around. In other words make sure she gets involved with other people. Also, let her do things herself in general, don't "take care" of her, because that means she's relying on someone else again even though you think you're just being nice.
I'd like to stay away from any fixed diagnosis. The only thing it does it puts everyone with issues in a corner and put a "loony" stamp on them, so they can get in a system of endless councelling or get stuffed with pills that make them go numb. That may be required for some people, yes, but for people on the edge it probably does more harm than good. If you do want a clearcut explanation; have you considered that it might just be her age? People generally won't come to terms with themselves untill they are about 21 and I still know a lot of people that age with a long way to go. She is 16 right? That's about the most volatile they come, no offense intended. My bet would be her parents are perfectly aware of how serious this is, but are equally confused about how to address the situation. I'd also say that since you care for her in a very, uhm,.. "romantic" (that's not the right word, I know) way, you aren naturally more jumpy about it. Perhaps more than you should. I know I would be in any case.
The person most able to make a difference in this case is probably you, though it will be quite a burden. Don't put so much in it beyond a point that it is not helping anyway, as you'll only go down together. However, keep a certain balance and you can try to help her. Don't worry, she won't kill herself. What she needs to work on primarily is self esteem. Personally I don't belief in soft approaches. If she doesn't want to talk to you, don't go into a discussion, just head over regardless. If she doesn't think she can do something (school related or whatever) get her to do it. Get her out as well, make sure she sees other friends also without you around. In other words make sure she gets involved with other people. Also, let her do things herself in general, don't "take care" of her, because that means she's relying on someone else again even though you think you're just being nice.