where the FUCK is SLAYER??????
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Here in Ireland, we have a TV show called Rodge & Podge. Its a puppet thing, but v v adult orientated. If u live in UK, u might remember Zig & Zag from The Big Breakfast, well its the same guys that do that which do R&P. These guys are CONSTANTLY getting into hot water with Irelands' main channel, RTE.
Here are some crackers:
My mouth's as dry as a nuns crack
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
As funny as a burning orphanage
He's so camp, he shites tent pegs
I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
As busy as the Dalkey dole office
Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
As tight as a nun's knickers
I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard
Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
Mother Teresa wouldn 't kiss her
Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a nettle
She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall
Here are some crackers:
My mouth's as dry as a nuns crack
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
As funny as a burning orphanage
He's so camp, he shites tent pegs
I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
As busy as the Dalkey dole office
Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
As tight as a nun's knickers
I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard
Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
Mother Teresa wouldn 't kiss her
Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a nettle
She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall
lol dudeKaosdad008 wrote:
Well, from my count you have at least your Verteran insect combat badge. You also have your Veteran Poison Gas Specialist badge for more than 10 deployments IAR and probably your Expert FlySwatter Badge.
How many hours have you put in? Maybe you have the Insect Combat Medal if you've put in 100 hours.
Ok. Im starting to feel bad.. at the beginning i didnt. I actually enjoyed what i was doing. The sadistic pleasure gained from my worktime, work-dodging activities was palpable... but now... its like im taking part in some kind of holocaust..
Its all the fault of this heatwave. In Belfast, these freakish conditions have caused what i can only describe as a plague of bluebottles. (moderately sized, black/blue fly with loud buzzing, accompanied by a tendency to fly into your face while u work). Im looking around my office (i have my own room), and i survey bluebottles everywhere... dead ones. They line my window sill, the tops of cabinets, on top of files... rough count, 30-50. I used to swat them, but this soon proved messy. I can still see the smitage remnants on most walls.
So now im using 'raid' which is better... but... these flies seem to take the fact that they have been sprayed with lethal insecticide quite personally, and seem to all have some collective reaction to dive bomb me even more now that they are minutes away from departing this mortal coil.. I get the last laugh tho, as each of them, in their death-throes partake in about 30 seconds of breakdancing as they try to hold onto their little, annoying existence. Watching these fuckbots spin maddly on their backs is myrthworthy viewing in anyones book.
But, as i say, im now feeling guilty at all the little black bastards' ive ended. I have a degree in zoology, and am quite the animal friend, so im having a clash of conscience.
Oh, and my new aftershave is 'Raid Fly & Wasp Killer'.
Its all the fault of this heatwave. In Belfast, these freakish conditions have caused what i can only describe as a plague of bluebottles. (moderately sized, black/blue fly with loud buzzing, accompanied by a tendency to fly into your face while u work). Im looking around my office (i have my own room), and i survey bluebottles everywhere... dead ones. They line my window sill, the tops of cabinets, on top of files... rough count, 30-50. I used to swat them, but this soon proved messy. I can still see the smitage remnants on most walls.
So now im using 'raid' which is better... but... these flies seem to take the fact that they have been sprayed with lethal insecticide quite personally, and seem to all have some collective reaction to dive bomb me even more now that they are minutes away from departing this mortal coil.. I get the last laugh tho, as each of them, in their death-throes partake in about 30 seconds of breakdancing as they try to hold onto their little, annoying existence. Watching these fuckbots spin maddly on their backs is myrthworthy viewing in anyones book.
But, as i say, im now feeling guilty at all the little black bastards' ive ended. I have a degree in zoology, and am quite the animal friend, so im having a clash of conscience.
Oh, and my new aftershave is 'Raid Fly & Wasp Killer'.
lol
snore-a-fuckin-rama........
Over the past 2 or 3 weeks, i have received MORE fucking bollox in my inbox than ever before, but weirdly, its all watches, rolex's to be precise. Most of this tripe normally hits my junkbox, but all this shite is making its way thru to my inbox.
Am I alone here?
Am I alone here?
i think fruitloop & jinko are "special friends"
ronaldo will NOT be playing for Man U next season.... thereby going UP in my estimation
he is already in my good books for dumping england out, next... leave Man U weak on the left wing. Splendid.
he is already in my good books for dumping england out, next... leave Man U weak on the left wing. Splendid.
Smoke me a kipper skipper, ill be back for breakfast...
either:malarkeycoon wrote:
bits of dust and crap
a) go BACK to school,
or
b) sue your teachers!
lol, nice one mate5N1P3R wrote:
um, id see the doctor instead of listening to a guy who has a dog humping a pig for a sig. no offense uber73
I have these floaties too, had them since i was about 6 i think. Recently had eye test, im 20:20, but i actually asked about these floaties during test. Besides, i have a degree in Zoology, so ive also studied physiology, including the eye
nope... they are suspended blood vessels within your eyeball, in the jelly part of the eye, known as the vitreous humour. everyone has them / will get them throughout the course of your life.
worry not.
worry not.
got ya.
lol, some twats just -1'ed me:
Today 20:17:44 -1 Funny gif. Just one i HAD to share GOD DAMN PERVERT!!!!!!!!!
Today 20:16:25 -1 Funny gif. Just one i HAD to share that aint funny
cockmasters.
mind u, im flattered by the pervert one...
Today 20:17:44 -1 Funny gif. Just one i HAD to share GOD DAMN PERVERT!!!!!!!!!
Today 20:16:25 -1 Funny gif. Just one i HAD to share that aint funny
cockmasters.
mind u, im flattered by the pervert one...
lol, very good...fierce wrote:
Even if it's old, there is something that always reminds me about the Italian Ballerina's (shows Argentinia but suits well)
http://pbhub.de/forum/download.php?id=8816
KingDC, wtf is with your Lemur fascination today!!
it just cracks me up
what a knob, they didnt get OWNED ffs... try appreciating the words u use.
they got beaten on penalties. thats hardly owned.
they got beaten on penalties. thats hardly owned.
i dont think i have used the suicide command once in bf2. in 42 i did tho..
*cough cough* street violence
i feel EXACTLY the same.....ShotYourSix wrote:
A few months back, I realized I just wasn't enjoying the game like I used to so I took a couple months off. After returning I felt a new interest in the game but nothing like the fun it used to be. It's been a couple weeks back into the game now and it's occured to me that I'm actually sick to fucking death of this game. Goddamn it I wanted to get back into it but I dont think it's gonna happen. Guess it's time to move on to something fresh
Space1999...
11. read daft threads..... like..... this... one
lol, special.Coolbeano wrote:
You're missing something, the screenshot of you getting your last award and shouting "ALL AWARDS BITCH!!!!!!!!!" and gloating in your pride while someone snipes you and tells you to shut up .
And don't forgot to put big black boxes over your brightskins and wallhacks
its not a re-emergence... the shottie is thebest weapon in the game.
no other weapon is one shot, one kill. not even sniper unless its a headshot. all u need to do to use shottie properly is to know how to move fast, have balls, and go looking for a fight. but as eng has practically no armour, the noobs are soon "discouraged" from using shottie.
but i love it.
no other weapon is one shot, one kill. not even sniper unless its a headshot. all u need to do to use shottie properly is to know how to move fast, have balls, and go looking for a fight. but as eng has practically no armour, the noobs are soon "discouraged" from using shottie.
but i love it.
hey kingDC, that aint a dog., its a lemur, or other oddity from madagascar.
dear sweet JESUS!!!gazzie wrote:
Ok smart ass good mathematics there now do the calculations on this person....uber73 wrote:
i looked at your stats... i was intrigued.
first off, WELL FUCKING DONE, sincerely. If u are married, and you are as committed to your wife as you are to bf2, then she must be one mighty happy lass. THATS dedication.
Then..
I pondered.
I mulled.
you spent, when i looked, 1857:04:23 hours playing bf2.
now, thats 77.5 days. SOLID days. you enrolled 11 june 05, so u beel playing for 12.5 months.
I mentally meandered..
77days/12.5 months is 6.5 SOLID days per month.
I mulled..
say u are free to play bf2 i dunno, 6 hours a day, being realistic free time, given commitment if u have a 9-5 job, or given dry time if u are a student.
I deduced
6 hour sessions, totalling 6.5 solid days a month, is 26 days a month, u committed to playing BF2.
which is a month.
So, on average, u played a whole year. of BF2.
I wondered.
How exactly do u feel about that? is it a year of your life that was fulfilling..... or will u rejoice in your medal box full of virtual tin? or...
will u realise that thats really quite a bit s.a.d...
http://bf2s.com/player/47185201/
read it again.Sandskink wrote:
Racist? Yes I am....Racist against assholes who can't be happy for other people. Was he hurting you by doing what he was doing? Were you distraught because he wasn't giving you attention? Something wrong at home mate that we need to know about? You can tell us we are a community of freinds here.
and i +1'ed him.
twit.
lol, u racist monkey...
negative on all fronts.
negative on all fronts.
i looked at your stats... i was intrigued.
first off, WELL FUCKING DONE, sincerely. If u are married, and you are as committed to your wife as you are to bf2, then she must be one mighty happy lass. THATS dedication.
Then..
I pondered.
I mulled.
you spent, when i looked, 1857:04:23 hours playing bf2.
now, thats 77.5 days. SOLID days. you enrolled 11 june 05, so u beel playing for 12.5 months.
I mentally meandered..
77days/12.5 months is 6.5 SOLID days per month.
I mulled..
say u are free to play bf2 i dunno, 6 hours a day, being realistic free time, given commitment if u have a 9-5 job, or given dry time if u are a student.
I deduced
6 hour sessions, totalling 6.5 solid days a month, is 26 days a month, u committed to playing BF2.
which is a month.
So, on average, u played a whole year. of BF2.
I wondered.
How exactly do u feel about that? is it a year of your life that was fulfilling..... or will u rejoice in your medal box full of virtual tin? or...
will u realise that thats really quite a bit s.a.d...
first off, WELL FUCKING DONE, sincerely. If u are married, and you are as committed to your wife as you are to bf2, then she must be one mighty happy lass. THATS dedication.
Then..
I pondered.
I mulled.
you spent, when i looked, 1857:04:23 hours playing bf2.
now, thats 77.5 days. SOLID days. you enrolled 11 june 05, so u beel playing for 12.5 months.
I mentally meandered..
77days/12.5 months is 6.5 SOLID days per month.
I mulled..
say u are free to play bf2 i dunno, 6 hours a day, being realistic free time, given commitment if u have a 9-5 job, or given dry time if u are a student.
I deduced
6 hour sessions, totalling 6.5 solid days a month, is 26 days a month, u committed to playing BF2.
which is a month.
So, on average, u played a whole year. of BF2.
I wondered.
How exactly do u feel about that? is it a year of your life that was fulfilling..... or will u rejoice in your medal box full of virtual tin? or...
will u realise that thats really quite a bit s.a.d...
its a citrus fruit. ie, its full of acid.
yes, it will break down and go off. As for how can u tell?
open fridge
open carton
open mouth
open barfbag
yes, it will break down and go off. As for how can u tell?
open fridge
open carton
open mouth
open barfbag
the post didnt start out as a rant, but as i was typing, the reality got to me.
if i had posted what i actually saw, then the noob-brigade would have all been out padding this way.
cheers to raven & fleder. adults, FINALLY!
if i had posted what i actually saw, then the noob-brigade would have all been out padding this way.
cheers to raven & fleder. adults, FINALLY!
what?ExecutionerStyle wrote:
Judging from this post, you do. So does the majority of BF2 players.uber73 wrote:
I cant believe how much feckin stupid medals & awards mean to some people... i mean, WHO GIVES ONE RATS ASS if u have a feckin gold eng badge or not? Is it gonna make u more attractive to the opposite sex (not withstanding that they themselves might be padders too...)
dont be daft mate, of course i play the game and accept any medals i receive, but do i feel the need to pad for them? No. Do i feel that they will make people look at me differently? No. Do i give a flying fuck if someone has gold eng/repair? Have a guess...
My point is, that people are ruining the game for others in their own pursuits of awards / cheating for awards that DO NOT MATTER.
looks more like its used to clean out his deep fat frier...
I have seen a new 'dry-land' technique whereby engineers can "mutually" repair, without capsized boats, carriers, or even being at their keyboards. For obvious reasons im not going to tell u how they are doing this, but lets just say that i logged onto a server, witnessed the most pathetic sight i have yet seen in the game.. I was promptly banned after i killed THREE of them in one shot from my tank, for a combined hit of -28 team, i think..
I cant believe how much feckin stupid medals & awards mean to some people... i mean, WHO GIVES ONE RATS ASS if u have a feckin gold eng badge or not? Is it gonna make u more attractive to the opposite sex (not withstanding that they themselves might be padders too...)
When i log onto a server, i want a game, fight, war... not to see half the enemy congregating in one place, having a repair points orgy. Its fucking sad!!!
BF2 has gone down the shitter. Ive recently started playing RedOrchestra beta3.3 again after abandoning it when bf2 came out. Thats a mans game.
Awards have ruined Bf2. Good idea, but the developers didnt consider the vast quantity of wankers that ruin it .
I cant believe how much feckin stupid medals & awards mean to some people... i mean, WHO GIVES ONE RATS ASS if u have a feckin gold eng badge or not? Is it gonna make u more attractive to the opposite sex (not withstanding that they themselves might be padders too...)
When i log onto a server, i want a game, fight, war... not to see half the enemy congregating in one place, having a repair points orgy. Its fucking sad!!!
BF2 has gone down the shitter. Ive recently started playing RedOrchestra beta3.3 again after abandoning it when bf2 came out. Thats a mans game.
Awards have ruined Bf2. Good idea, but the developers didnt consider the vast quantity of wankers that ruin it .
wonder if its called gizmo...
so....
u took an xbox controller, cut cable to pieces, taped it to a usb plug so now it works with pc and not xbox, but u wont use it for your pc.
your net position is one less controller.
productive..
u took an xbox controller, cut cable to pieces, taped it to a usb plug so now it works with pc and not xbox, but u wont use it for your pc.
your net position is one less controller.
productive..
lol
my man.CameronPoe wrote:
BF2 name: Easter1916 - named after the 'Easter Uprising' in 1916 when the Irish Volunteers & Irish Citizen Army announced the 'Proclamation of the Republic' of Ireland. Although military a failure it planted the seed that would lead to driving the brits back home (from over 70% of Ireland anyway).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter_Rising
from memory, they didnt scrutinise the goal until after the match.. the "hand of god" thing was attributed later..
lol, Terry Butcher was on 5Live this morning saying how he would like get laid into maradonna after that..
decent idea, nice fish, but a little big and a tad bland...
Peter, standing with his female, feminist boss at the entrance to her house. Peter returns to the house after leaving 2 fighting cocks (chickens) at her home as some gesture of goodwill, they open the door, blood, shit, feathers, destroyed furniture everywhere...
Peter: Ill see you mmmmmmmmmMonday...
and he leaves.
Peter: Ill see you mmmmmmmmmMonday...
and he leaves.