WARNING: This is quite long. It's not a story I made up either, it's a story about something that has been happening in my life for the past few months. If you don't want to read it, don't.
My story
August 24th 2006. The day I got my GCSE results. I got pretty shit grades to be honest, but that's not part of this story. It all started that night. I was just on my computer doing something random and pointless, when an MSN window opened with one of my friends, Hacial. I had previously made him a penguin for the BF2s penguin craze that was going on. Anyway, I don't truly remember what was said, but he was trying to convince me he was a she. I was pretty sure Hacial was a guy, but Hacial kept saying that Hacial was a girl. After a while, Hacial said something like "Fine I will go on webcam to prove it". Then, the image of a girl came on the screen. I was surprised to be honest; I thought BF2s was trying to pull a prank on me or something, so to be proved wrong was surprising. Anyway, turns out she was Hacial's friend, Jenna, messing about on his account. After a while of speaking, another girl came on the webcam... She was so unbelievably beautiful... She was called Milli and was Hacial’s sister and seemed to take an interest in an English person (myself) as she was going to be doing a Student Exchange thing (Oh, by the way, all these people I were talking to are Finnish, from Finland). So, after we had talked for a bit, she had to go. I didn't think I'd see her again to be honest, until a few minutes later, her brother said that she would like to talk to me more, and gave me her MSN. The next few days we just talked about random stuff, got to know each other etc. She was a different kind of girl, not like many girls you would meet in England. She had a lot of kindness inside her, she cared about things not many people would.
I fell for her...
I never really had an internet relationship before, so I wasn't any expert, but I just tried to act as much as myself as I could over the internet, like I would type things how I would say them in real life. As each day passed, I learned more and more about this girl, and we got closer and closer... I eventually got her mobile number, a webcam and mic, which made our talks more personal. As the weeks and months went by, lots of things happened. I could write them all down but it would take forever to tell them all. We eventually became boyfriend and girlfriend. At first, it was "unofficial", which meant it wasn't a proper relationship, just an internet thing. But after a while, after we became even closer, it became as proper as it could. I learned a lot about Finland, about Finnish people, about other random things around the world that she talked about too and just more about this girl. I was addicted. Everyday I would come home and wait for her to finish her homework and then come to MSN to talk to me for a few hours... It was so great. At times it was frustrating that what we had was just over the internet, so I managed to persuade my dad into taking a holiday in the February of 2007 to Finland. I was so happy... And so was she. We finally thought more on our relationship, thought about how it could actually work for real now. As Christmas went by, we sent each other gifts and short videos of a day of each others lives. It was all going well, and I was so excited about finally seeing this girl. She just felt so close to me, I could tell her anything, and I felt that she could do the same.
This all went well of course, until late January 2007. She started to doubt us... She thought that maybe things wouldn't work out the way we hoped. She thought I could be different in real life than I am over MSN. Of course, this could be true, I mean, over MSN you can say more things without feeling so... Embarrassed or anything like that. She thought that if February went well for us, it would be great, but after a week, I would leave again and things would be upsetting for us both... I didn't want to leave her; I was too far fallen... It was so annoying to love someone so much, but not able to do anything to keep that love. We decided to end it. We thought it would be best that we were just friends. We were too young to start a long distance relationship that global, and it would be to hard... We loved each other though, that never stopped, but it was just too hard... So, for a few weeks, we were just friends. We acted normally over MSN, just no comments that would suggest we were together.
Then, about a week ago, February 17th, we finally met. I was waiting outside of Helsinki Airport (With my dad...) when I heard my name called and a girl running towards me with her arms out. There she finally was, this amazing girl I was in love with, hugging me finally. I was kind of speechless, but I managed to keep my cool. It was awkward being so in love with someone and not being able to do anything... We went back to her house to see her family and that, get something to eat etc. This was when something surprising happened. We were just sitting on the couch watching some Finnish TV, when she told me that she was quite attracted to me still... I was surprised to hear it, and said that I thought she looked quite pretty herself... She asked if it was a bad thing to say... Ha, like hell was it... After this, I felt more... Well, happier. After a few more hours, she asked if she could come back to the hotel where I and my dad were staying for the week. When we got there, I got the feeling that things between us were now more than just friends... When we had sorted out our hotel booking stuff, my dad asked us to go and take the cases to our room. My dad is cool; he probably guessed we wanted some time alone, heh. When we got up there, we just dropped off the cases and... Well all in all, the night ended up in us having our first kiss together... I was her first kiss, and she was my first proper one too... It felt great...
The next day, we went cross-country skiing. It was quite fun actually, and the day we spent together was good. We were just like a couple, holding hands, holding each other, making each other warm (Finland is damn well cold this time of year, especially if you’re English). That night, we decided to watch a film together... To be honest, we hadn't really planned on watching the film, it was just a cover. We picked Titanic, which worked well as no one else wanted to watch it, which helped with our plan... Heh, no details, but we got quite close that night. I won't ever forget it...
The Monday we went to Porvoo for the day (My dad wanted to look around there), so we all went, me, my dad and Milli's family. I sensed something was wrong with Milli all day, as she just felt... Off... I found out that night that she regretted the night before. She felt bad because we weren't together and that what we did was wrong and that it made her a bad person. This made me feel bad too, I didn't want her to regret it (By the way, just in case any of you are thinking it, we didn't "do it" that night)... We had a good cry together that night, and sorted things out... We decided to go back to the whole "Just friends" thing. At the time, I was ok with it... I had had two days of amazing-ness; I suppose I would be greedy to ask for more with this girl... The day after though, I felt bad... Again, I felt like I had failed at this relationship... All the things I felt for this girl would have to stop, and I wouldn't be able to show them again. There was nothing I could do keep us together... I felt depressed all day; I think I gave a really bad impression of myself to her friends who I met on that day too. I didn't want to lose her, and I spent that day just thinking of the times together, and impossible chances of us staying together... At night I just went to bed early and tried to sleep. It was hard, every time I closed my eyes, I saw her there, smiling that perfect smile at me... It hurt. Too much...
Wednesday. A strange day. We had no plans for the day, so she said she would just come and hang around at the hotel with me. I was waiting in the lobby in the morning for her, just thinking again, when I felt her hands cover my eyes... It was so nice to feel her hug me again... We just talked for a while, eventually went into the bar area and got a drink, and talked more. As each hour passed, things changed. We were in love with each other. We felt strongly for each other. We wanted each other. But we couldn't be together... It was wrong to be together for just this week and then have it all end. Moral-less in a way... We went up to the hotel room eventually and watched TV, talked more... That evening we went to Helsinki as I needed to buy souvenirs for my family and I offered to buy her anything she wanted from the many shopping malls we looked in. She eventually decided on a gold necklace with a sleeping cat on the end (She absolutely loves cats... Not in a "crazy cat lady" way, but a cute way...). Wednesday was a strange day really; it got even stranger at night though. She sent me a text saying something like "I have a surprise for you tomorrow. Wait in your hotel room until I come". I was confused all night. What could it be? What did she mean by surprise? Is she ill? All sorts of things ran through my mind that night. I was depressed though... I was... Well, confused. The next morning, I got my dad out the hotel and waited for her to knock. I eventually heard it, and opened the door to that beautiful girl... She looked amazing, and had an even more amazing smile on her face. I was so unbelievably confused. She came in the room, and gave me a strange package. Inside was a rose. Again, I thought "What the hell is going on here?” As I wasn't fully ready when she knocked, I went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth etc. When I came out, the lights were off, the curtains were closed and a candle was lit... I was so dam confused! A few nights before we were upset as anything as it was over, and now she comes here setting up a romantic room and everything. Turns out, the night before, she heard a song. This song, called "Hold Me Now" by Johnny Logan, basically told of the guy who was about to lose a girl forever, and wanted to spend the last time he had with her in the best possible way. This song suited our circumstance strangely well. As she played the song on my laptop and I read the lyrics, I was kind of scared... Everything said was just so perfect for us. It was as if someone was following us around for a while and decided to write a song on it.
So, that's what we did. We made the most of the time we had together. That day we just spent hours in the hotel room together (Again, no details I'm afraid)... It was so perfect. The day afterwards, Friday, it happened again. She came around early, except my dad was still in, so we had to wait in the lobby for a while. There she teased me (She has always loved teasing me about things. She was my Kiusa, which in Finnish I believe is something like "Teaser") in ways. It was annoying, but in a good way, you know? We spent a few hours in the hotel room again as by 14:00 we had t set out to Helsinki to meet my dad and her family at some old Finnish restaurant.... It was so great those hours... After eating, we took a drive around Helsinki as my dad wanted to see more sites. After that, I went back to Milli's house as I apparently had to try a Finnish sauna. I also wanted to be with Milli more, as I would be leaving for England the next day... Back at hers, we went into her room and I looked at some of her many pieces of art work (She is quite an amazing artist too). It was good to see it all. After a while, the sauna was ready... It was me, Milli and her little sister, Viivi going in (We wore towels. It wasn't completely Finnish ) and I tell you, the Finnish are weird when it comes to saunas. It was my first time in one, and it felt really strange and slightly uncomfortable to breathe in really hot air. After a few minutes of it being around 70 - 80 C, they wanted it to go higher. I couldn't believe really what I was seeing, it was boiling hot, these girls were in pain, and they liked it! Maybe I'm just too English, but I just thought it was weird... They then go and run outside in the less-than-freezing cold and jump in the snow! And then it got repeated... So very strange... Anyway, after that we went back to her room again… Heh, again, no details Our last night together… And it was a night to remember…
Our last day. The last day together. Saturday 24th February 2007. She came to the hotel at 10. My dad was out taking some more photos, so we just had 2 hours before he came back at 12:00 together. In those two hours we lived a few more dreams... One I will never forget. At 12:00, my dad came back, and we had 2 hours or so to spend in Tikkurila. We went to McDonalds to eat (A request by me ) and then to some supermarket. On the way up the escalators, I played a little game with her where I would kiss her, and not stop until we hit the top. Of course, she wanted to look but I would just cover her eyes up... Sounds stupid, but it was nice. In the shop we just "Tried on clothes", which basically meant hiding in the changing cubicles and "being together" At about 14:00, we headed back to the hotel, in order to get a lift from her dad to take us to the airport (Our plane left at 16:30). We were in the Airport cafe for about an hour, just enjoying our last moments, trying not to be sad... Which I was. I was unbelievably depressed inside... But I stayed happy. Her dad took some last pictures together; we had a few last kisses... It was nice... But then, I saw her no more... I boarded the plane, I flew away, I landed, I drove for miles, I got home to a happy family all wanting to talk about my trip, I got upset... I had lost the thing I loved most in this world... Know, I know I'm only 16, and I know I haven't seen much and you probably think I'm just a kid who doesn't know what love is, but you're wrong. I knew what I felt for Milli was love. I know I could never love anyone like I loved her...
Well, anyway, the next day I went paintball for the first time with my friends. Nothing much to do with this story, but I got a text off of Milli that morning, asking me to come to MSN as soon as I could. After paintball, I realised I had another one... When I got home, she was there... It was hard talking to her again on MSN after seeing her just a bit over 24 hours... We had nothing to say, it was awkward... Quite upsetting... We just talked about solutions we could take. At that time we had two options. 1: We Stay together, suffer with the hurt of counting minutes until we next see each other, which would maybe be about once a month and a bit. 2: We break up for proper. But if we did it this time, we couldn't see each other ever again. We were still in love with each other, so if after like... 5 months of a break-up, we decided to meet again as friends, we would just fall again. Two options apparently. I wanted to stay with her, even though it was hard living it, I knew she was worth it all. She was confused. It was an upsetting night, and we left each other for the night upset, wanting more time to think on things...
Monday 26th February, when we spoke, we weren't upset. She had good news... She had talked to her mother about things, and her mother had told her something very wise:
"There is one good solution: Just be together with him and with full power. Because now when you are afraid and unsure it makes things bad for both of you. And you can think it as a normal relationship, because even he would live for example in Helsinki, you would be able to meet each other only on weekends and most likely not every weekend. So it would be few times in month. Now if you see about once in moth it is kind of good. If you both commit to each other you can be peaceful. And your future plans can be until next summer and then you can think again what to do and how. Your heart belongs to him anyway, so there is no sense to be without him then and unhappy."
I thank her mum for this... We are now… Still unsure, but she is happy for us now. After hearing what her mother said, I think she has more hope in us... I hope
So, is this a happy ending for now? Do you think things can work out? BF2s, give me your guidance...
Here's a picture of us together:
What do you think (preferably no stupid comments...)?
My story
August 24th 2006. The day I got my GCSE results. I got pretty shit grades to be honest, but that's not part of this story. It all started that night. I was just on my computer doing something random and pointless, when an MSN window opened with one of my friends, Hacial. I had previously made him a penguin for the BF2s penguin craze that was going on. Anyway, I don't truly remember what was said, but he was trying to convince me he was a she. I was pretty sure Hacial was a guy, but Hacial kept saying that Hacial was a girl. After a while, Hacial said something like "Fine I will go on webcam to prove it". Then, the image of a girl came on the screen. I was surprised to be honest; I thought BF2s was trying to pull a prank on me or something, so to be proved wrong was surprising. Anyway, turns out she was Hacial's friend, Jenna, messing about on his account. After a while of speaking, another girl came on the webcam... She was so unbelievably beautiful... She was called Milli and was Hacial’s sister and seemed to take an interest in an English person (myself) as she was going to be doing a Student Exchange thing (Oh, by the way, all these people I were talking to are Finnish, from Finland). So, after we had talked for a bit, she had to go. I didn't think I'd see her again to be honest, until a few minutes later, her brother said that she would like to talk to me more, and gave me her MSN. The next few days we just talked about random stuff, got to know each other etc. She was a different kind of girl, not like many girls you would meet in England. She had a lot of kindness inside her, she cared about things not many people would.
I fell for her...
I never really had an internet relationship before, so I wasn't any expert, but I just tried to act as much as myself as I could over the internet, like I would type things how I would say them in real life. As each day passed, I learned more and more about this girl, and we got closer and closer... I eventually got her mobile number, a webcam and mic, which made our talks more personal. As the weeks and months went by, lots of things happened. I could write them all down but it would take forever to tell them all. We eventually became boyfriend and girlfriend. At first, it was "unofficial", which meant it wasn't a proper relationship, just an internet thing. But after a while, after we became even closer, it became as proper as it could. I learned a lot about Finland, about Finnish people, about other random things around the world that she talked about too and just more about this girl. I was addicted. Everyday I would come home and wait for her to finish her homework and then come to MSN to talk to me for a few hours... It was so great. At times it was frustrating that what we had was just over the internet, so I managed to persuade my dad into taking a holiday in the February of 2007 to Finland. I was so happy... And so was she. We finally thought more on our relationship, thought about how it could actually work for real now. As Christmas went by, we sent each other gifts and short videos of a day of each others lives. It was all going well, and I was so excited about finally seeing this girl. She just felt so close to me, I could tell her anything, and I felt that she could do the same.
This all went well of course, until late January 2007. She started to doubt us... She thought that maybe things wouldn't work out the way we hoped. She thought I could be different in real life than I am over MSN. Of course, this could be true, I mean, over MSN you can say more things without feeling so... Embarrassed or anything like that. She thought that if February went well for us, it would be great, but after a week, I would leave again and things would be upsetting for us both... I didn't want to leave her; I was too far fallen... It was so annoying to love someone so much, but not able to do anything to keep that love. We decided to end it. We thought it would be best that we were just friends. We were too young to start a long distance relationship that global, and it would be to hard... We loved each other though, that never stopped, but it was just too hard... So, for a few weeks, we were just friends. We acted normally over MSN, just no comments that would suggest we were together.
Then, about a week ago, February 17th, we finally met. I was waiting outside of Helsinki Airport (With my dad...) when I heard my name called and a girl running towards me with her arms out. There she finally was, this amazing girl I was in love with, hugging me finally. I was kind of speechless, but I managed to keep my cool. It was awkward being so in love with someone and not being able to do anything... We went back to her house to see her family and that, get something to eat etc. This was when something surprising happened. We were just sitting on the couch watching some Finnish TV, when she told me that she was quite attracted to me still... I was surprised to hear it, and said that I thought she looked quite pretty herself... She asked if it was a bad thing to say... Ha, like hell was it... After this, I felt more... Well, happier. After a few more hours, she asked if she could come back to the hotel where I and my dad were staying for the week. When we got there, I got the feeling that things between us were now more than just friends... When we had sorted out our hotel booking stuff, my dad asked us to go and take the cases to our room. My dad is cool; he probably guessed we wanted some time alone, heh. When we got up there, we just dropped off the cases and... Well all in all, the night ended up in us having our first kiss together... I was her first kiss, and she was my first proper one too... It felt great...
The next day, we went cross-country skiing. It was quite fun actually, and the day we spent together was good. We were just like a couple, holding hands, holding each other, making each other warm (Finland is damn well cold this time of year, especially if you’re English). That night, we decided to watch a film together... To be honest, we hadn't really planned on watching the film, it was just a cover. We picked Titanic, which worked well as no one else wanted to watch it, which helped with our plan... Heh, no details, but we got quite close that night. I won't ever forget it...
The Monday we went to Porvoo for the day (My dad wanted to look around there), so we all went, me, my dad and Milli's family. I sensed something was wrong with Milli all day, as she just felt... Off... I found out that night that she regretted the night before. She felt bad because we weren't together and that what we did was wrong and that it made her a bad person. This made me feel bad too, I didn't want her to regret it (By the way, just in case any of you are thinking it, we didn't "do it" that night)... We had a good cry together that night, and sorted things out... We decided to go back to the whole "Just friends" thing. At the time, I was ok with it... I had had two days of amazing-ness; I suppose I would be greedy to ask for more with this girl... The day after though, I felt bad... Again, I felt like I had failed at this relationship... All the things I felt for this girl would have to stop, and I wouldn't be able to show them again. There was nothing I could do keep us together... I felt depressed all day; I think I gave a really bad impression of myself to her friends who I met on that day too. I didn't want to lose her, and I spent that day just thinking of the times together, and impossible chances of us staying together... At night I just went to bed early and tried to sleep. It was hard, every time I closed my eyes, I saw her there, smiling that perfect smile at me... It hurt. Too much...
Wednesday. A strange day. We had no plans for the day, so she said she would just come and hang around at the hotel with me. I was waiting in the lobby in the morning for her, just thinking again, when I felt her hands cover my eyes... It was so nice to feel her hug me again... We just talked for a while, eventually went into the bar area and got a drink, and talked more. As each hour passed, things changed. We were in love with each other. We felt strongly for each other. We wanted each other. But we couldn't be together... It was wrong to be together for just this week and then have it all end. Moral-less in a way... We went up to the hotel room eventually and watched TV, talked more... That evening we went to Helsinki as I needed to buy souvenirs for my family and I offered to buy her anything she wanted from the many shopping malls we looked in. She eventually decided on a gold necklace with a sleeping cat on the end (She absolutely loves cats... Not in a "crazy cat lady" way, but a cute way...). Wednesday was a strange day really; it got even stranger at night though. She sent me a text saying something like "I have a surprise for you tomorrow. Wait in your hotel room until I come". I was confused all night. What could it be? What did she mean by surprise? Is she ill? All sorts of things ran through my mind that night. I was depressed though... I was... Well, confused. The next morning, I got my dad out the hotel and waited for her to knock. I eventually heard it, and opened the door to that beautiful girl... She looked amazing, and had an even more amazing smile on her face. I was so unbelievably confused. She came in the room, and gave me a strange package. Inside was a rose. Again, I thought "What the hell is going on here?” As I wasn't fully ready when she knocked, I went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth etc. When I came out, the lights were off, the curtains were closed and a candle was lit... I was so dam confused! A few nights before we were upset as anything as it was over, and now she comes here setting up a romantic room and everything. Turns out, the night before, she heard a song. This song, called "Hold Me Now" by Johnny Logan, basically told of the guy who was about to lose a girl forever, and wanted to spend the last time he had with her in the best possible way. This song suited our circumstance strangely well. As she played the song on my laptop and I read the lyrics, I was kind of scared... Everything said was just so perfect for us. It was as if someone was following us around for a while and decided to write a song on it.
So, that's what we did. We made the most of the time we had together. That day we just spent hours in the hotel room together (Again, no details I'm afraid)... It was so perfect. The day afterwards, Friday, it happened again. She came around early, except my dad was still in, so we had to wait in the lobby for a while. There she teased me (She has always loved teasing me about things. She was my Kiusa, which in Finnish I believe is something like "Teaser") in ways. It was annoying, but in a good way, you know? We spent a few hours in the hotel room again as by 14:00 we had t set out to Helsinki to meet my dad and her family at some old Finnish restaurant.... It was so great those hours... After eating, we took a drive around Helsinki as my dad wanted to see more sites. After that, I went back to Milli's house as I apparently had to try a Finnish sauna. I also wanted to be with Milli more, as I would be leaving for England the next day... Back at hers, we went into her room and I looked at some of her many pieces of art work (She is quite an amazing artist too). It was good to see it all. After a while, the sauna was ready... It was me, Milli and her little sister, Viivi going in (We wore towels. It wasn't completely Finnish ) and I tell you, the Finnish are weird when it comes to saunas. It was my first time in one, and it felt really strange and slightly uncomfortable to breathe in really hot air. After a few minutes of it being around 70 - 80 C, they wanted it to go higher. I couldn't believe really what I was seeing, it was boiling hot, these girls were in pain, and they liked it! Maybe I'm just too English, but I just thought it was weird... They then go and run outside in the less-than-freezing cold and jump in the snow! And then it got repeated... So very strange... Anyway, after that we went back to her room again… Heh, again, no details Our last night together… And it was a night to remember…
Our last day. The last day together. Saturday 24th February 2007. She came to the hotel at 10. My dad was out taking some more photos, so we just had 2 hours before he came back at 12:00 together. In those two hours we lived a few more dreams... One I will never forget. At 12:00, my dad came back, and we had 2 hours or so to spend in Tikkurila. We went to McDonalds to eat (A request by me ) and then to some supermarket. On the way up the escalators, I played a little game with her where I would kiss her, and not stop until we hit the top. Of course, she wanted to look but I would just cover her eyes up... Sounds stupid, but it was nice. In the shop we just "Tried on clothes", which basically meant hiding in the changing cubicles and "being together" At about 14:00, we headed back to the hotel, in order to get a lift from her dad to take us to the airport (Our plane left at 16:30). We were in the Airport cafe for about an hour, just enjoying our last moments, trying not to be sad... Which I was. I was unbelievably depressed inside... But I stayed happy. Her dad took some last pictures together; we had a few last kisses... It was nice... But then, I saw her no more... I boarded the plane, I flew away, I landed, I drove for miles, I got home to a happy family all wanting to talk about my trip, I got upset... I had lost the thing I loved most in this world... Know, I know I'm only 16, and I know I haven't seen much and you probably think I'm just a kid who doesn't know what love is, but you're wrong. I knew what I felt for Milli was love. I know I could never love anyone like I loved her...
Well, anyway, the next day I went paintball for the first time with my friends. Nothing much to do with this story, but I got a text off of Milli that morning, asking me to come to MSN as soon as I could. After paintball, I realised I had another one... When I got home, she was there... It was hard talking to her again on MSN after seeing her just a bit over 24 hours... We had nothing to say, it was awkward... Quite upsetting... We just talked about solutions we could take. At that time we had two options. 1: We Stay together, suffer with the hurt of counting minutes until we next see each other, which would maybe be about once a month and a bit. 2: We break up for proper. But if we did it this time, we couldn't see each other ever again. We were still in love with each other, so if after like... 5 months of a break-up, we decided to meet again as friends, we would just fall again. Two options apparently. I wanted to stay with her, even though it was hard living it, I knew she was worth it all. She was confused. It was an upsetting night, and we left each other for the night upset, wanting more time to think on things...
Monday 26th February, when we spoke, we weren't upset. She had good news... She had talked to her mother about things, and her mother had told her something very wise:
"There is one good solution: Just be together with him and with full power. Because now when you are afraid and unsure it makes things bad for both of you. And you can think it as a normal relationship, because even he would live for example in Helsinki, you would be able to meet each other only on weekends and most likely not every weekend. So it would be few times in month. Now if you see about once in moth it is kind of good. If you both commit to each other you can be peaceful. And your future plans can be until next summer and then you can think again what to do and how. Your heart belongs to him anyway, so there is no sense to be without him then and unhappy."
I thank her mum for this... We are now… Still unsure, but she is happy for us now. After hearing what her mother said, I think she has more hope in us... I hope
So, is this a happy ending for now? Do you think things can work out? BF2s, give me your guidance...
Here's a picture of us together:
What do you think (preferably no stupid comments...)?
