I’d like to dip a little bit into religion, with emphasis on missionaries, be it Mormon or Jehovah Witnesses or 7th day Adventists and how you rid these mobile preaching machines from bothering you at your place of residence.
Option A) Upon noticing the above stated individuals praying upon your door, immediately strip down to your underwear grab a beer and answer the door. Now if they start their little religion rap, immediately jump in and offer both of them a Beer.
Option B)
Missionary: "Hello, Have you ever heard of the *insert church name*."
You: "I don't believe in *insert religion*"
Missionary: " You mean you don't believe in our cause"
You: " ... No, I don't believe in *insert church name* ... they're like leprechauns or werewolves. As a matter of fact I can't believe I'm standing here talking to you. Are you trying to make me look crazy since you obviously can't be standing here because you don't exist"
Option C) Invite the missionaries in and if your computer happens to be in the room they are seated in, immediately download some form of pornographic material preferably Beastilality Porn and proceed to play it as they start their religion spiel.
Option D) Like option C except you will use the cunning use of your TV and a DVD player or VHS (who still uses these things?!?) and proceed to play some form of pornographic material.
Option E) This one is a bit tricky and requires coordination, Answer the door in your underwear OR with a towel wrapped around your waist, have a partially nude female peak around the corner and have her proclaim that she isn’t on her period anymore and would like to engage in sexual activity.
Option F) Clean your weapons anytime they come over and start to talk about your exploits in the military and how you’re considered unstable by the Veteran's Administration. Offer them some whiskey or beer and burp loudly while acting that you’re going to puke.
Option G) Answer the door covered in anything that resembles blood and have a knife in hand, ask them if they’ve ever eaten Dog meat before.
Option H) When they ask, "How do you feel about Jesus?" You start rubbing your chest and crotch and say "About like this, he likes it like this."
Option I) When they start their religion spiel, immediately look upwards (towards the heavens) and say, “All right father I’ll ask them, If I join your church will I get to kill small animals and sacrifice them?” If they avoid the question, or stall for time to find some sort of response, again look upwards and say, “All right Father, I’ll tell them, He says quit stalling and answer the fucking question!”
Option J) Upon opening the door, look at both the missionaries, moving your head from left to right about 10 times, then just start screaming at the top of your lungs
I've tested all of these tactics, now go forth and let Jesus know you won't stand for door to door deity salesman.
Option A) Upon noticing the above stated individuals praying upon your door, immediately strip down to your underwear grab a beer and answer the door. Now if they start their little religion rap, immediately jump in and offer both of them a Beer.
Option B)
Missionary: "Hello, Have you ever heard of the *insert church name*."
You: "I don't believe in *insert religion*"
Missionary: " You mean you don't believe in our cause"
You: " ... No, I don't believe in *insert church name* ... they're like leprechauns or werewolves. As a matter of fact I can't believe I'm standing here talking to you. Are you trying to make me look crazy since you obviously can't be standing here because you don't exist"
Option C) Invite the missionaries in and if your computer happens to be in the room they are seated in, immediately download some form of pornographic material preferably Beastilality Porn and proceed to play it as they start their religion spiel.
Option D) Like option C except you will use the cunning use of your TV and a DVD player or VHS (who still uses these things?!?) and proceed to play some form of pornographic material.
Option E) This one is a bit tricky and requires coordination, Answer the door in your underwear OR with a towel wrapped around your waist, have a partially nude female peak around the corner and have her proclaim that she isn’t on her period anymore and would like to engage in sexual activity.
Option F) Clean your weapons anytime they come over and start to talk about your exploits in the military and how you’re considered unstable by the Veteran's Administration. Offer them some whiskey or beer and burp loudly while acting that you’re going to puke.
Option G) Answer the door covered in anything that resembles blood and have a knife in hand, ask them if they’ve ever eaten Dog meat before.
Option H) When they ask, "How do you feel about Jesus?" You start rubbing your chest and crotch and say "About like this, he likes it like this."
Option I) When they start their religion spiel, immediately look upwards (towards the heavens) and say, “All right father I’ll ask them, If I join your church will I get to kill small animals and sacrifice them?” If they avoid the question, or stall for time to find some sort of response, again look upwards and say, “All right Father, I’ll tell them, He says quit stalling and answer the fucking question!”
Option J) Upon opening the door, look at both the missionaries, moving your head from left to right about 10 times, then just start screaming at the top of your lungs
I've tested all of these tactics, now go forth and let Jesus know you won't stand for door to door deity salesman.