SamBo:D
Banned
+236|5755|England
Hey folks I normally wouldn't discuss this kind of stuff on here but right now my whole social life is in a complete mess, here's the story so far:

Well a while ago I moved out to live in a nice flat by myself, I got myself a new car and my career in the police force was just amazing.

Now a few weeks later I meet a stunningly nice girl at the gym, Bebe.  I get talking to her and all is going swell, I try my best to be friendly and get to know her.  I threw in a few jokes to try and make her laugh and without a doubt it work, we were getting on really well.  To keep this short I'll fast forward 1 month; we are madly in love, she's around my house ever night, whenever I wasn't at work I was either sleeping or having sex with Bebe, I just couldn't get enough of her and I had never felt this way about a girl before.  So I thought to myself; why wait?  So I didn't.   I proposed to her one Thursday evening when she came around my place, of course she said yes and low and behold 9 months later I was a father.

So, what's the problem you asked?  Well this all still happened a while back, perfect job, perfect wife, perfect son and a perfect house.  What could go wrong?  I'll tell you; me.  I hate to say I am the kind of guy that attracts a lot of women, I am attracted to them back.  I shouldn't of ad these feelings for other women, I was married with a child.  Anyway when Scott (my first son, yes first) was 6 months I met this beautiful girl Blair at work.  This changed everything as soon as work had finished we rushed back to her place, stormed to her bed room and had rough, hard sex.  Every night.  I'd come home after doing it with Blair, and do it with Bebe, this went on for about 3 weeks until one fateful night were my condom split whilst shagging Blair.  9 months later, I am a father again, this time to a girl, Tine.  Of course, Bebe left me so I sold up and moved in with Blair.

Now Blair is what you might call fucking LOADED, gorgeous house, literally 5 minutes after moving in I couldn't help myself, I sold everything.  The tele, the PC, the shower, the toilet, walls, windows, doors, flooring, you name it, everything except a bed and a fridge for Blair - sold.  I bump her straight away and move back into my old house only $100k richer.

What to do now? Well it doesn't end there, week after week I was noticing hot girls EVERYWHERE, I'd go over to them, chat them up, take them home and bang them senseless, technically still married to Bebe and father of 2.  So just to make things even a tiny bit better I get a divorce with Bebe.  I marry Morgan, a girl I met at the grocery store who I've been shagging for a month.  I move into her house and guess what, I just can't help myself, sell everything, dump, go back home fucking loaded.  I do this countless times with loads of different women, I am RICH.

To keep this short as possible over the last 13 months I have been made father 14 times, 8 boys and 6 girls.  All with different mothers, the ones who's 99% of their houses I sold.

So I figure I should sort my life out and get with a girl I really love and will be faithful to.  I give Bebe a ring.  I take her out to the movies, we spent every night together for months on end and I felt the same way then about her as I did when he first met.  Scot is 2 now and he's only going to get older and he needs a man in his life.  So me and Bebe get married again, and have a second child.  Or should I say second and third children -  she had twins.  Wind the clock forward 4 years me and Bebe are still married with 6 kids.

Now everything was perfect, I've matured and I think of myself as a good husband and father, until Francisca walks past my house one Sunday morning.   Bebe is at work, the kids are at their grandparents house.  I go outside, talk to her, flirt with her, invite her inside, 15 minutes later my mattress nearly breaks, I don't need to explain why.  Just after I cum Bebe walks in on us.

Bebe leaves me, Fransica leaves me, 9 months later Fransica gives birth to my whatever-teenth child.

A very successful career in the law enforcement department, 17 children, massive house, awesome car and single.

Where do I go from here?
1stSFOD-Delta
Mike "The Spooge Gobbler" Morales
+376|6236|Blue Mountain State
kill yourself
https://www.itwirx.com/other/hksignature.jpg

Baba Booey
S3v3N
lolwut?
+685|6776|Montucky
Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me.
Macbeth
Banned
+2,444|5844

You find better Copy Paste.
krazed
Admiral of the Bathtub
+619|7038|Great Brown North
kill your family

turn them into liquid food with a blend tec blender

feed the homeless
ICCULUS
Free Sam, Ban Finray.
+418|5682|Athens, GA
bing blang blaow
Ioan92
Member
+337|5980
troll
LaidBackNinja
Pony Slaystation
+343|6967|Charlie One Alpha
I just died of boredom.
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell
ICCULUS
Free Sam, Ban Finray.
+418|5682|Athens, GA
$50 > bankwire > atm > titties
Ajax_the_Great1
Dropped on request
+206|6904

SamBo:D wrote:

I hate to say I am the kind of guy that attracts a lot of women,
Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me
blademaster
I'm moving to Brazil
+2,075|6903

S3v3N wrote:

Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me.
yeah story looks familiar
1stSFOD-Delta
Mike "The Spooge Gobbler" Morales
+376|6236|Blue Mountain State
not as gay as a macbeth thread though
https://www.itwirx.com/other/hksignature.jpg

Baba Booey
Benzin
Member
+576|6256

Ioan92 wrote:

troll
ghettoperson
Member
+1,943|6907

What the hell was the point of that? It wasn't true, it wasn't funny, there was no punchline.
Peter
Super Awesome Member
+494|6660|dm_maidenhead

1stSFOD-Delta wrote:

not as gay as a macbeth thread though
At least with Macbeth's threads it leaves you with the feeling that it might be true.
bennisboy
Member
+829|6904|Poundland
that was a terrible attempt sam.
I knew it was a lie as soon as you mentioned a gf. Oh n the fact you.re like 16 so you wouldn't have a nice flat.
ICCULUS
Free Sam, Ban Finray.
+418|5682|Athens, GA
I was grinding these soul destroying 90 mans on FT and she said she was going to cook us dinner because she was feeling geneorous. what kinda **** is that. she puts chip on my lap and i let his little hand do all the clicking especially all-in shoves and I talk a little bit of strategy with him mainly the value of position and slow playing big pairs at the end of mtts

she made me 8 nuggets. and she had 27 nuggets. she was burning her fingers on the hot fat while they were still cooking trying to get one to grub on. i am so sick of how selfish she is. we went to an all you can eat buffet once and she ate so much she was farting all the way home in the car and I think she almost sharted. she also laughs at me because she can out eat me at any meal time. I tried to beat her once and ate 23 pootatos but I almost threw up

i am sitting there trying to rambo a cash game with 16 dollars PLO and final table a 90 man on a stake because we need $ and she just complains that we are broke every day and she wishes she had met a better man. I was like why dont you go spread your thunder thighs for tod brunson i bet he hasnt had any in awhile. she doesnt even know who tod is. she googled him and said hubba hubba. im like whatever bitch you would crush eachother.


she sends me on negreanutilt everyday. she said she eats so much food because she needs to keep her strength up to look after little chip because she is basically a single mom now because I am married to poker for life and basially a loser i said no bitch you need to stop eating food from a wheelbarrow but yes poker is more interesting than you.. your voice chills me to the bone and you are as boring as beans. go make your nightly phonecall to skank#1 and gossip about everyones affairs. I said she wouldnt last 2 minutes in the poker world.I bet phil hellmuth doesnt get this kinda **** when he gets home from the big game... I bet he gets pancakes a bathrobe and a hand-jive.

my EV always goes down when she starts nagging me which is constant pressure...even when she is being nice or trys to do something special for us i have to fake delight.she once made a recording of herself moaning for my birthday.. it was horrible. imagine an ogre scratching his bumhole and you will come close to understanding how it made me feel. she expected sex that night but i had to fake an injury. she wore some stockings that made her legs look like submarines .

one day when chip is older and he knows how to play poker..maybe when he is 6 or 7 i am going to take him and head back to vegas with me because that is where my heart is. my dads heart is in nevada and i feel him touch me everytime i go back there. everytime i enter a card room i am thinking about my dad. Sometimes I walk over to the game and the seat he used to always be at and rub the back of his chair. sometimes I go and expect him to be there. i look for him...i hope to hear his voice above the slot machines calling me telling me to hurry the hell up because there is a sucker playing 5/10.

hopefully i can meet a new woman in vegas but not a hooker or crack head this time..someone steady and who only does casual drugs and maybe vodka binges..a girl who respects a poker player and all he stands for and will not complain when ive got grind on the mind or when I want to get frisky and scan a credit card between her ass cheeks.
Macbeth
Banned
+2,444|5844

bennisboy wrote:

that was a terrible attempt sam.
I knew it was a lie as soon as you mentioned a gf. Oh n the fact you.re like 16 so you wouldn't have a nice flat.
I knew it was a copy paste as soon as I saw the length. You can't rely on Sam to post anything more then a paragraph.
FFLink
There is.
+1,380|6949|Devon, England

ghettoperson wrote:

What the hell was the point of that? It wasn't true, it wasn't funny, there was no punchline.
Seriously.

Edit: Everyone check your wallets, it was probably a distraction.

Last edited by FFLink (2009-07-04 11:18:04)

mr.hrundi
Wurstwassereis
+68|6695|Germany
do drugs
S3v3N
lolwut?
+685|6776|Montucky
https://palmwebos.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/vader-fail.jpg
SamBo:D
Banned
+236|5755|England
You guys think this is a joke?  That I just made this whole think up?

Fuck off
ICCULUS
Free Sam, Ban Finray.
+418|5682|Athens, GA
Ok so I'm at the local pool hall/bar tonight doing some gambling with my brother Steve and our mutual friend Kevbo(nickname cause he's Kevin and makes a lotta combo shots in pool). We just took a few puffs of the magic grass outside and are now ready to get in the zone and play some serious pool for cash. Now this place isn't the ritz by any stretch. As a matter of fact it's the pure opposite, a hole in the wall sty. Shady alcoholic regulars, drunken fights(i saw a stabbing once), crackwhores, bikers, cheap beer and amazingly enough, great pool equipment. The only reason we subject ourselves to this grotesque watering hole is cause it's got pretty nice tables and serious degen gamblers. Anyways, the backgrounds been set...

It's now about 1:30am and we've been playing for a few hours. Most of the bottomfeeders of society have fled the premices and it's starting to get a bit more quiet, all except for the ridiculously drunken bar owner and two horrendous fat and ugly Indian girls he's feeding free liquor. There is also one very drunk old man(probably 65) who's half passed out on a barstool. We nicknamed the pool hall owner the "Poolhall Pirate" cause he looks and talks just like a big fat ugly pirate. Big thick burly biker-type guy who wears wifebeaters with yellow sweat stains on them. He's constantly acting like a complete pig with women in the place and just a total scumbag. The only thing more appauling than him in the place are the two girls he's trying to impress with free shots of tequila and bottles of brew. They are honest to god 300lbs with faces that you see in like STD medical books. Just big and slimy and disturbingly atrocious in every way. They are in a drunken stupor.

So my brother Steve is about to shoot the final 9 ball to win his match against Kevbo, when I gaze over to see the Poolhall Pirate(PHP) getting sucked off by these two behemoths! In sheer amazement and shock, I mumble to Steve, "o...m....g, please look to your right" while he's in mid shot. There we are the three of us, watching the owner get his meatpuppet smoked by two cracked out sperm hippos. He's hootin' and haulerin' and jivin' his hips as they go to town! Keep in mind the bar is STILL open and there are shops like Subway right next door with customers outside. Omg I say to steve, "please get your camera phone, this is soooo gotta be recorded". We pull it out and start rolling the footage as they take the biggest girl(easy 3 bills) and lay her on the pool table beside ours and start ripping her clothes off. At this point i'm howling with laughter as can likely be heard in the video(yes there is video coming). Anyways the PHP starts going down on this chick who looks like a beached whale flailing around on the green felt. Slapping his face around you can see her snatch juice painting his stubbly cheeks. As insanely grossed out as I was and still am, I absolutely could not pull my eyes away from what I was witnessing. It would be like watching the twin towers go down, absolutey horrendous and appauling, but you just gotta fukin' look! Let's turn it up a notch....


Just when I thought things couldn't get anymore vile and unbelieveable, the unbelieveable happens. The PoolHall Pirate stumbles over to our table and grabs one of MY billiard balls from my Aramith Pro set(set worth over $200) and shoves the 14 ball up her cooter! She squeels and wriggles around as he plops this dirty chalk-stained orb right in her. Myself, Steve and Kevbo are all in pure shock at what we're seeing. It's like something you hear about and go "lol ya right! That didn't really happen", only this really IS happening. Anyways he tosses the ball back on the table when he's done and we see two little chunks on it that look like margarine and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Clearly I packed up my other balls and left that one(I'll order another 14 ball, I wouldn't touch that one wearing a radiation suit). As PHP and the half-passed out old drunk man suck the girls huge mcdonald's pancake size nipples the one girl(very big one, not quite as ugly as the other but easily a -7/10) starts yelling how she wants the "Fonthill guy". We are all confused and not sure what she's talking about....until we see Kevbo's shirt says FONTHILL on the front. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh well now we're all laughing our asses off chanting "Kevbo! Kevbo! Kevbo! Kevbo! Kevbo!" and big massive Poolhall Pirate grabs him and picks him up and starts shoving his face in the girls slobbered up mammary bags. He honestly looked like he was going to vomit and was completely demoralized. I could -NOT- stop laughing hysterically and just prayed my fate wouldn't be the same. My brother and I decided to dart out the door at that moment and get the *** outta dodge. I'm really not sure I can ever go back there again.

So I'm going to get ahold of his cell phone to get this sh!t online cause it's truly epic and astonishing. I'm not sure how high the quality will be as it was just a simple cameraphone in a poorly lit bar but I think there's some good footage for sure. Believe me I'll get on it. I recall the owner in a slobbery drunken voice saying, "you fukers better not put this on ebay!" lol, obviously he meant youtube. Whatever though the world's gonna be a better place if people see this. Anyways I come home and tell my sorta girlfriend the story on the phone and she's totally disgusted and disappointed in me that I'de subject myself to something to vile and dehumanizing. I told her it was like watching a car wreck I just had to wtf! She hung up on me angrily. Would you have stayed and recorded or just taken off in disgust? I don't even see there being a choice, but maybe that's just me and my twisted mind.
ATG
Banned
+5,233|6787|Global Command
Not going anywhere tbh.

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2025 Jeff Minard